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Daily Life

All the WHY Questions

Posted on February 6, 2018

Oh, the joys of toddlerhood… One minute you’re prancing around holding Dad’s hand, and the next you are falling apart because you suddenly decided you NEEDED ice but shockingly, no one had any on them. The power struggles are out of control lately! I swear K asks for stuff she doesn’t even want just so she can fall apart when we say we don’t have it! And don’t even get me started on the questions…

The “why” I can handle. If my little one has genuine questions, I will answer “why” all day long and if I don’t know the answer, I am happy to google. I will never say no to knowledge. The questions I’m talking about are the ones the repeat over and over and over even after you answer. “Where are we going?” “Home.” “Where are we going?” “Home.” “Where are we going?” “…..Still home.” Does anyone else’s toddler do this?!

If someone described this scenario before I had kids, I would have laughed. It doesn’t sound that bad, right? But omg after answering the same question ten times, and answering 50 other questions ten times, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

Part of me wonders is it a control thing? Are they trying to see how many times they can get something out of us that they don’t even need? (Because that sounds like a sociopath to me….) Or are they trying to initiate a conversation but have nothing new to say? I like to think the latter, but when I try to change topics and actually have a conversation, I get asked the same question again. Or is it something else entirely? Who else is dealing with this and what do you do? Or am I just a terrible mom for being annoyed by this? 

Daily Life

K’s Dance Recital!

Posted on January 18, 2018
Today was K’s dance recital – and what a helluva day it was! I realized around 11 that K’s dance shoes are in my cupholder in my car… and my car’s in the shop… roughly an hour away. We had to be at the recital at 345 and we were leaving school for the day around 145. There was no way to get to my car in time so we went to 2 different Targets looking for ballet shoes.
       We found something that looked similar enough to ballet shoes and left Target around 230 and still had to go home, change into her leotard, and get back for the recital. We made it with 5 minutes to spare and after a few minutes of walking around in her new shoes, K decide she didn’t want to wear shoes anyways ?. Surprisingly, even though the recital is in a different room than class (which K had a mild meltdown about) and even though her regular teacher was absent today (which K seemed to somehow not notice), and even with no shoes, she went out and did a great job.
       
          When we started this class in September, I had to get special permission for K to start because she wasn’t quite 2 and a half. The next 5 weeks K spent most of her class time sliding around the floor on her belly. I wondered if she was too young, or if I pushed her into it. She always said she was having fun though so we persisted. Halfway through the 5th week, K joined in! And she started loving it! At the start of class, I never for a second thought that by January she would be ready and willing to go out and perform for us. But she totally rocked it and I am so proud! ?

 

Daily Life

On Letting Go of My Expectations

Posted on January 17, 2018

What most of our pictures look like these days . I brought the girls to the Queen Mary today for the first time in maybe a year (and first time for Isabelle!) I thought at almost 3, K would be old enough to learn a little bit about the ship and enjoy looking around more than last time. But both girls enjoyed this phone booth more than anything else!

We spent a solid 20 minutes walking around it, looking inside of it, K wanted to open it and know what it was for… It’s hard for me sometimes when the kids don’t enjoy things the way I think they are SUPPOSED to be enjoyed. (Probably because I’m a control freak …) It’s not the money, because the Queen Mary isn’t that expensive and the kids are free. And it’s not an age thing either – I wasn’t expecting them to sit through lectures on the history of the ship or anything.

But it’s SO HARD for me to just let them be and not steer them towards the next thing to look at, or what I think we should be looking at. I’ve always been a rubric person. I like to plan out how I think things should be and stick to that plan. Actually when my plans fall through I am mildly devastated even if it’s not something I really wanted to do in the first place; it’s because that’s what I expected to do. But I did let the girls hang out around the phone booth for as long as they wanted, even though it made my eye twitch a little while I was itching to move on to the next thing .

Kids have a way of holding up a mirror and you see things about yourself you never noticed before, or maybe noticed but didn’t think it was weird or a problem. But I guess going with the flow, especially when it comes to the kids, is something I need to work on.

Daily Life

On finding my inner child

Posted on January 17, 2018

How awesome are trains? K loves them, and all other forms of transportation, but I think at her age she just likes them because they look cool. I can’t wait until she gets older and I can explain to her that trains have been bringing goods across the country for hundreds of years and someone had to lay a lot of these tracks by hand… It’s pretty impressive when you stop and think about it.

Having a toddlers forces you to think differently about the world around you. You find yourself stopping to look at bugs and leaves again, even when your toddler isn’t with you! (Actually I feel kind of guilty when I see a cool bug if K isn’t with me – like I’m cheating on her ?.) You look up at the clouds and notice shapes in them, or even look up in general. When is the last time you looked up before having kids? For me it had been a while. It’s pretty cool having a little sidekick who helps you see the magic in the world again

Daily Life

Isabelle Hip Dysplasia Updates

Posted on January 15, 2018

7 months after our first visit to the orthopaedic doctor, we finally got the (mostly) good news we had been waiting for. Isabelle had another xray this morning and it looks like her hips are close enough to normal that she won’t need any further treatment. They were looking for an angle of 25 degrees, 30 requires more treatment, and her right is at 27 degrees.

She still has mild hip dysplasia, and probably will her whole life, but her hips are both in the sockets so she is not eligible for a cast or brace. The only way to correct the angles would be an extensive surgery followed by a long recovery, and her doctor doesn’t think mild hip dysplasia would cause enough problems to warrant that.

       She will still be able to run and play sports and go about her life normally. The possible long-term implications of mild hip dysplasia might be arthritis in that hip when she is 50 or 60, and IF that happens, they can correct it with surgery then. It did not make sense to do a surgery now on the possibility of “IF”. So, while it wasn’t perfect news, we are happy that her hips are in the sockets and she will live a normal life. We will go back in 4 months for another xray just to check that things are continuing to improve (or not get worse, which is unlikely.) Thanks everyone for all the positive vibes and support during all of this ?

Daily Life

Getting My Strength Back

Posted on January 10, 2018

Ideal caption: “Jason was just so captivated by my beauty he took this photo for his desk at work so he could admire me all the time.” But… I like to keep it real on social media and it really went something more like “Can you take a pic of me in my bathing suit? Over here. No, over here where the light is better. Too bad we don’t have a fan to make my hair blow around…?.”

Seriously though, I have been a hiker and a jogger for a long time now because I love to connect with nature and I love the way cardio makes me feel (Hooray for good mental health!) In September I started doing weights for the first time to improve my core strength after having Isabelle via c section (because all of a sudden chopping veggies was an ab exercise )

        It was incredibly hard at first. I went from being in the best shape of my life during my pregnancy to being unable to lift Katie for 6 weeks. Now I am proud to say I can carry both girls up 2 flights of stairs to our apartment and can almost squat my body weight. It’s amazing how durable women’s bodies are. We can grow humans, birth them, and then sustain them using our bodies after they are born.

         We are so strong and so amazing. And, while I know there are more important things (and I make sure to stress to the girls that strength and wellness are the real reasons to work out), I am damn proud of how my body looks after having a baby carved out of my body only 8 months ago. It really is the icing on the cake. So here is my shameless bikini photo ?. #iamwomanhearmeroar 

Daily Life

Belles tries “Grandma Sauce!”

Posted on January 2, 2018

We had my grandparents over for dinner last night and my mom made Grandma’s special spaghetti sauce. Smelling it cook all day reminded me of the memories I have of going to my grandparents’ when I was a kid. We would pick raspberries from the raspberry bush in the backyard and help my grandma make cookies.

The raspberry bushes have since been dug out and my grandma is no longer able to live at home. It makes me sad that my kids will never experience my grandparents’ house the way I did, but I am grateful that they have 2 sets of their own grandparents to make memories with (along with 3 great grandparents and one great great grandma!) And, I am grateful we have traditions like making “Grandma sauce” that we can pass down to them . One of these days I’ll attempt to make a batch all on my own!

Daily Life

Joining in with Dance Class

Posted on November 2, 2017

Confession time: watching K finally participate in dance these past couple weeks gives me tears almost the whole class. I have to stifle them so I’m not that weird mom in the back who cries every week. Maybe it’s because she looks so happy now that she finally joined in, maybe it’s because my guilt over bringing her every week is alleviated now that I know she wants to be there.

I still partly felt like a mom forcing their kid to do an activity she didn’t want to do

She always said how much fun she had even when she wasn’t participating, and before every class I made sure to ask if she wanted to be there and she always said yes, but I still partly felt like a mom forcing their kid to do an activity she didn’t want to do as I watched her slide around on the floor week after week, and refuse to participated in every activity but the parachute.

She’s becoming such a little lady right before my eyes.

And then watching her enjoy herself today wearing her new dance outfit, I just realized how grown up she looked. She’s becoming such a little lady right before my eyes. I noticed her listening to her teacher’s instruction and looking for acceptance from her peers, and I had an epiphany that so many other people will influence her life besides me. And at some point, other people will likely begin to influence her more than I will. It was rather jarring to think about, though I know it’s inevitable. It made me think about how I can’t protect her from everything, and I hate that, (tearing up even as I write this ?. Having kids breaks open your soul and makes all the feelings come out!)

At some point, other people will likely begin to influence her more than I will.

But for now I am grateful I can still hold her tight and give her raspberries on her belly, and she can still be my little girl for a while longer 

Opinion Pieces

Having Kids Has Turned Me Into the Worst Pet Owner

Posted on October 13, 2017

Okay, maybe not THE WORST.  I’m no Mike Vick. And our 2 cats still get fed, fresh water, litter changed (although maybe not as much as they used to), and they have warm beds to sleep in.  But the accommodations end there.

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation.

Dopey outside on his leash

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation.  I would wonder what they were doing, if they missed me, if they felt abandoned.  I used to chase them around the house forcing my love upon them and holding them against their will while I buried my face in their fur (okay, maybe I was the worst pet owner before?).  I even took them outside when I would sit outside (on leashes because they aren’t cut out for outdoor life…)  My love for them actually peaked while I was pregnant, oddly enough.  I felt super attached to them!  Maybe some weird motherly changes in my brain that I had nowhere to direct yet?  (Did anyone else feel that way?)

Then the first baby, Katie, came.  Then it was “we need to keep the bedroom door closed to keep the cats away from the baby.”  I didn’t want their fur or dander or, heaven forbid, fleas in her crib.  (We live in Southern California – even the most diligent pet owner will see a flea or two in the summer time.)  Not to mention an accidental scratching if they went in her crib while she was in there too.  I began spending most of my time on the couch with the baby (nursing around the clock…) and less time chasing the cats around soliciting love.  Not that I was ever mean to them if they came around, just that I had a job to do as a mother, and that job was protect the baby.

Me and Dopey when I was pregnant with Katie. We were besties.

As Katie got into her toddler years, we began to relax a little bit.  She was old enough to chase the cats and an accidental scratch or flea bite wouldn’t kill her.  And then baby number 2 came, Isabelle.

I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty

This time, it wasn’t so much fleas or scratches we worried about (I mean, she’s our second kid.) It was more that I was so tapped out from being touched all the time, I had less love to give the cats.  I spend every waking moment with at least one of the girls.  I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty (no, it’s not Jason.  We aren’t into that.). So by the end of the day, I am pretty touched-out.  When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off. 

Jason’s cat Dante. I don’t even want to admit how far back I had to look to find a pic of him.

When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off.

I feel bad, I really do.  I wish I had more love to give.  I honestly don’t know how dog owners do it because having a dog is almost like having another child. 

It does give me solace that Katie loves the cats so much, so in a sense, she’s replaced me chasing them around and forcing her love upon them.  I don’t know how much they enjoy it, but to be honest, I’m not sure how much they enjoyed it when I did it either.  And in a couple years, Isabelle will be old enough to chase them too and they’ll get twice the love from the girls.  And the girls will need me less so maybe I’ll have more love to give the cats then too.  If they forgive my temporary absence (I know cats can hold grudges).  I hope they know that I still love them and I will always take care of them, but sometimes I just need a moment where no one is touching me.

Opinion Pieces

Can We Please Talk About Decision Fatigue?

Posted on September 1, 2017

I wake up every day around 6 with my kids.  I dress them, I nurse the baby and make breakfast for my toddler, and then we pack up for the day.  I take them to the park and on walks and to places like the aquarium.  When I have downtime, I work, clean, meal prep, and do laundry.  Yesterday I even made my own baby wipes. I’m not telling you all of this to complain, I’m telling you this to set the stage that I’m not a lazy person.  (Although I do partially take my kids places because I’m lazy). But I digress…. So, if I can do all of these other things, why the hell would I rather lose an arm than clean out my junk drawer (okay, drawers…)?  I did some research, and it’s because of a little thing called decision fatigue.

When I think back, I have always been indecisive.  When I was a kid and my mom would make me a bagel, I would ask for half with cream cheese, a quarter with butter, and a quarter plain, because I just couldn’t decide which I wanted the most.  I always look at the menu at restaurants for what seems like an eternity, no matter how many times I’ve been there.  Even if it’s just McDonalds (if the McRib is not back, we all know what they have to offer.). I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

Making decisions for me feels stressful.  Sometimes the decisions are important, so the stress is warranted.  But when I get a stomach ache cleaning my junk drawer because I can’t decide what to do with a shoelace (which shoe did it come from?), 3 batteries (how do I know if they’re good or not? And if not good, how do I dispose of them?), and a button (which shirt did this come off of?), at least now I know I can blame decision fatigue.

I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all.

Do I kind of sound like a hoarder?  I may have a tiny bit of hoarder tendencies too if I’m being honest, but that’s not my whole problem.  I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all.  What about this shirt?  Does it fit?  Will it fit someday?  Do I want it?  Can I donate it?  Okay, if I donate it, now I have to wash it.  When am I going to find time to do that on top of my regular laundry and other duties?  I should just stick it back in the closet and deal with it another time.  Do you see the problems this creates for me?  Please feel free to rub your thumb and forefinger together and make a “world’s tiniest violin” joke at my expense.

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it.

I’m not saying decision fatigue is a clinical diagnosis or that I need to see a doctor for my horrible problem (although depending what kind of meds are offered, the kids have been driving me kinda crazy lately!…. Kidding! Sort of.), but it does give me a little bit of peace of mind knowing WHY I have such a hard time doing some of the things I know would improve my quality of life. 

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it.  I was honestly starting to think I had depression (thank you Dr. Google!).

Yesterday I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and it was easy for me.  Do you know why?  I told myself it was because I love cooking and having the kitchen organized was more important to me than other rooms.  But I was lying to myself.  It was because everything I looked at had 3 options:  Is it expired?  Is it expired yet still usable? (I don’t care that my chicken bouillon expired a month ago to be honest. Okay, maybe it expired at the end of May.). Is it not expired and can be put back on the shelf?  That’s it. This was so easy for me because there was almost no decision to be made.  And now about 50% of my kitchen cupboards, as well as the fridge and freezer, are clean and organized and every time I pass the kitchen, I take a peek in them and feel good about myself.

I hate throwing away things that someone else could use.

If you are thinking to yourself, I am like this but so is everyone else, I have found out that NO, not everyone is!  Both my boyfriend and my dad can sort through a junk drawer in minutes and probably throw out 90% of what was in there.  Because either “we don’t need it” or “we probably don’t need it but can buy another one if we do.”  But here’s my argument against that: I hate wasting!  I hate throwing away things that someone else could use so if I have something I don’t need, maybe someone else DOES need it, and now I have more decisions to make about what to do next with it.  And that’s hard for me.

Charcuterie plate

 

Before I had heard of decision fatigue, I already noticed things I have started to do in my life that make it so much easier for me and I didn’t realize what they all had in common.  I LOVE lists, for one.  I sometimes look at what we got from the grocery store and make lists of dinner options for us to choose from each night (and usually I’ll have Jason choose).  Or I’ll do charcuterie because then I can have some of everything.  I also plan out outfits for the girls the night before (but not mine because who cares what I wear).  I’ve even heard Obama used to plan out his shirts and ties for a week!  (No, I didn’t fact check this and I don’t know if it’s actually true so I’ll just roll with it #fakenews).  But what do these things have in common?!  Less decision making!  I am starting to find out what works in SOME areas of my life but not all.

Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more. 

So here’s what I’m asking of you, friends.  Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more.  Our apartment is not that big to have all the crap we do but I will need some help sorting.  Jason and I decided on Monday we will each coffee up (Yay Starbucks!) and get to work on at minimum the kitchen and bathroom and really really hoping to get to the closet too.  I would love to hear advice from other people who suffer from decision fatigue on how you force yourself to sort through things without getting too burned out and stay organized once you are done.  Thanks in advance!