Daily Life

Our pregnancy loss – 1 year today

1 year ago today we found out we lost a pregnancy. It’s been on my mind a lot these past couple months as I’ve had constant reminders on my timehop of photos of my tummy, waiting for my soon-to-be baby bump, and of the newborn clothes I took out in anticipation of a new baby. Little did I know in the dark days that followed that in less than a year I would have a beautiful baby girl. It’s a very bizarre feeling to still feel sad about the loss.

It was unlikely the baby would be healthy or even viable.

It almost makes me feel guilty like it shouldn’t hurt anymore now that I have a new baby. The doctors said it looked like a blighted ovum and it was unlikely the baby would be healthy or even viable. If we hadn’t experienced that loss, we wouldn’t have Baby Isabelle. I sometimes wonder if the loss happened to spare us the grief of a sick or severely disabled child, or a stillborn, or because Isabelle was always what the universe had in store for us. So today, as I sit here bouncing a screaming Isabelle on my knee and as Katie “drives” her toy car all over my head while telling me over and over that the baby is crying, I remind myself that all this noise is because I am blessed with 2 beautiful and healthy girls, and for that I am so incredibly lucky.

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