Mother’s Day… Some people think it’s just another Hallmark holiday..

A reason to buy cards and flowers that were marked up in price for the week. But I like to take the day to really appreciate what it means to be a mom.  I think about everything my mom has done for me, and now that I have kids of my own, I appreciate that I get to be a mom to them as well.

Katie had colic, so the day wasn’t what I hoped it would be.

I’ll never forget my first Mother’s Day.  K wasn’t even 2 months old and Jason and I were still navigating what it meant to be parents.  He got me takeout from one of my favorite restaurants and said he would watch K for the day so I could watch a movie and relax.  But Katie had colic, so there was no relaxing. She screamed the entire day, which wasn’t very conducive to watching a movie.  Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t just take a walk by myself.  But we were new parents, and we felt like we had to do all of our parenting together. 

I reflect a little bit every year on Mother’s Day about the baby we’ll never meet

On my 2nd Mother’s Day, I was pregnant again.  K was about 13 months.  I actually don’t remember what we did, but I remember thinking that I would have 2 children the next time we celebrated Mother’s Day.  That was the pregnancy we lost. I reflect a little bit every year on Mother’s Day about the baby we’ll never meet, but I know that without this loss, we wouldn’t have Isabelle.

Sore nipples, a healing wound from being cut in half, and minimal sleep don’t put me in the celebrating mood.

I never got to be a mom to that baby, but on my third Mother’s Day, I still found myself a mother of 2.  Just barely.  I got pregnant with Isabelle 4 weeks after my miscarriage, and she was born 6 days before Mother’s Day.  I was still recovering from a c section, so we took it easy that year.  Sore nipples, a healing wound from being cut in half, and minimal sleep don’t put me in the celebrating mood.  We did a quick brunch and then spent the day at home.

K put on her octopus head from Halloween.

My fourth Mother’s Day was hectic.  The girls were 3 and 1.  We took them to brunch, but I didn’t spend much time reflecting that year.  I didn’t spend much time doing anything, actually, aside from running around chasing a toddler and a baby.   I do remember trying to get a cute Mother’s Day photo of them in their matching jammies, and K put on her octopus head from Halloween.  Then she wore it the entire mile walk to brunch, and all during brunch.  She kept asking me to hold her tentacles so she didn’t get syrup on them while she ate pancakes.

In February, I had my fourth surgery for endometriosis.

Yesterday was my fifth Mother’s Day.  I found myself much more reflective this year.  In February, I had my fourth surgery for endometriosis.  They found endometriosis, scar tissue adhesions from my c section, and adenomyosis.  I joined a Endometriosis facebook support group following surgery, so I could have a place to talk about my pain and support other women through theirs.

To them, Mother’s Day is a reminder that they will likely never conceive.

When I was browsing my facebook newsfeed yesterday morning, I saw post after post in the support group from women whose endometriosis has caused them fertility problems.  These women were struggling yesterday.  To them, Mother’s Day is a reminder that they will likely never conceive.  I know there are other ways to be a mother, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult for women who wanted to conceive a child and are unable to.  It hurt my heart for them, and it made me count my blessings that I was able to have 2 healthy girls, despite my endometriosis.

Conceiving a child is truly a miracle

Conceiving a child is truly a miracle.  So many things need to go right, just for the conception to occur.  Then when you consider that the majority of babies are born with 2 arms and 2 eyes and a heart that pumps their blood exactly the way it’s supposed to… It’s incredible.  I had to stop and marvel at the miracle of it all, and appreciate my healthy girls.

Does this mean I don’t think we should celebrate Mother’s Day because not everyone can conceive children of their own?

Does this mean every second is a joy?  Absolutely not.  Motherhood is the toughest job I’ve ever had, and it definitely has its ups and downs.  Does this mean I don’t think we should celebrate Mother’s Day because not everyone can conceive? Also, no.  That’s like saying we shouldn’t eat because not everyone has food.  But I do think it’s something we should keep in mind as we celebrate, and be grateful.

I want to focus on the feel of their sticky little hands on the back of my neck when they come in for hugs.

It also means that I want to take more moments to slow down, to stop and appreciate my kids for the miracles they are.   I want to tell them I love them every single day.   I want to focus on the feel of their sticky little hands on the back of my neck when they come in for hugs.  I want to remember the relief I felt when I heard each of their first cries.  I want to remember that I’m lucky, and so are they.

Motherhood is a privilege, and those of us who are able to experience it – whether through conception, adoption, or surrogacy – are truly blessed.  And that is what I learned on my fifth Mother’s Day.