Browsing Tag

strong willed children

Daily Life

Parent Teacher Conferences

Posted on January 19, 2018
When did she become such a little grown up?! Carrying her own backpack and drinking out of a cup and asking “why?” about Every. Single. Thing. We had parent-teacher conferences yesterday (I know… and she isn’t even 3 ) and I kind of had an idea about how things would go. I spend every second with K so I thought I knew everything about her development and what she still struggles with.
        I was pleasantly surprised about how well her teacher said she behaves at school (and much better than at home for Mom ?!) She sits in her seat most of the time (but wanders a little at lunch) and rarely throws tantrums. She still cries (fake cries) quite a bit, and much more than her peers (because she’s a little actress…) but less than before. Actually her teacher said yesterday was the first day she made it all day without crying but then when we went to pick her up when the conference was over, she was crying when we got there  Almost made it!
           Her teacher also mentioned several times how “independent” K is, along with words like “spirited”, “strong”, etc. Jason and I always laugh because we know it’s code for “You got one of the hard ones!!”, but we also know strong children become strong adults who can change the world! (At least that’s what we tell ourselves when we’re mad she thinks it’s okay to run 50 feet away from us without so much as a single look back as we chase her screaming her name ?.)
          We still need to work on her recognizing her name in writing but I found out she can count to 29, which surprised me. At home she stops at 13 and says she doesn’t know what comes next! For someone who is so independent about everything else, it’s kind of funny she’s been keeping an extra 16 numbers under wraps when she’s counting in front of us ?.
         Overall I left pretty much beaming. Not about her counting or other milestones – the school is not focused on academics and neither are we at this point, but about the kind words her teacher said about her. She seems to really love K, and “spirited” or not, she loves her spunky personality and her zest for life. It’s a good feeling when other people see what you see in your kids. You feel like you must be doing something right.

 

Daily Life

On raising an independent toddler

Posted on January 16, 2018

“I do it MYSELF!” If only I had a nickel for every time I heard that phrase ?. In the case of chopsticks, my dear strong-willed not-yet-3-year-old, you cannot do it yourself. Not yet. But I won’t tell you that. You are welcome to try to use chopsticks as often as you want, so long as you don’t get to the point where you’re starving yourself. In other situations, however, I don’t always have the luxury of patience.

When we’re running 10 minutes late for school and you insist on trying to zip your own jacket, I’m going to have to intervene. (I did this same thing to my mom with buckling my own shoes when I was K’s age – raising a mini you is a pain in the ass sometimes ?.) But I want you to know, sweet daughter, that I am picking my battles and trying to let you learn as often as I can. Soon enough you will be a pro at using chopsticks, and anything else you set your mind to, and I can’t wait for you to prove me right.

Opinion Pieces

What Do You Do When Your Kid Won’t Listen to You?

Posted on November 3, 2017

No, seriously.  I’m asking.  I hope you didn’t come here for the answer because I don’t have it (although hoping someone comments with a magic solution…). Sure, I know what to do IN THE MOMENT.  If my kid strays too far from me at a store and doesn’t return when I call her, obviously I know the solution is to go and get her.  But what do I do so it doesn’t happen next time? (And the time after that.  And after that.)

My first born is a firecracker, a free-thinker, independent, spirited, fearless…

My first born is a firecracker, a free-thinker, independent, spirited, fearless… and I LOVE her for that.  And I don’t want to change that about her.  She will do incredible things someday.  But we need to come to some sort of understanding about rules.  Because she doesn’t listen to a damn thing I say.

I don’t fight her if she wants to wear her rain boots to the beach or take her shirt off at the park.

I try my best to pick my battles, I really do.  I don’t fight her if she wants to wear her rain boots to the beach or take her shirt off at the park.  I’m not going to lose my shit if she eats a goldfish off the ground, especially if she was the one who dropped it (though I will discourage her from doing it again.)  For us, the big battles are safety related – hers and her sister’s.  This means no jumping on the couch, standing on the swivel chair, climbing the tv stand (are you noticing a pattern here?), and returning when she gets too far away from me and I call her.  (Ideally not getting that far from me to begin with…)

So far, we have stuck with logical consequences despite them not really working.  For example, if you jump on the couch you have to sit on the floor. This usually results in her sitting on the floor, which she doesn’t mind, and doesn’t deter her from jumping on the couch next time.  Same with me taking the toys she throws.  Sometimes she will throw something and then hand it to me and say “Mommy take.” 

Sometimes she will throw something and then hand it to me and say “Mommy take.”

We have also tried time out, which doesn’t seem to help.  In fact, sometimes she will throw something and put herself on time out for a minute and then return.  We tried swapping time outs for time ins for a while, which actually led to an increase in bad behaviors so she could get Mommy alone for a few minutes.  (I would like to add that I do take time every day to spend alone with her and try to do one or two outings a week just the two of us, but with a 6 month old, there’s only so much alone time I can give her.) Despite the controversy, we still do the occasional time out, more for my sanity than anything (I know. Shame.)

I have read books and blogs and watched Nanny 911 videos on youtube.

I have read books and blogs and watched Nanny 911 videos on youtube.  I make eye contact, speak to her like an adult, and avoid going places when she’s tired (we practically avoid stores like the plague anyways because it’s just too hard.) I wish I could say I never raise my voice, but that’s a lie.  I wish I didn’t, but when danger is imminent, or I am just overly frustrated because I’ve said the same thing 700 times, I sometimes raise my voice.  And honestly, it gets results half the time, which is more than I can say about anything else I’ve tried.  But I want results without raising my voice.

I’m not unreasonable.  I know toddlers don’t always listen.  I would even settle for her listening 50% of the time.  I feel like that’s fair?

I would even settle for her listening 50% of the time.  I feel like that’s fair?

The problem I am having is that I don’t want her to blindly follow the rules and I don’t want to break her spirit.  I love that she is independent and tenacious, but I also want her to be safe.  The other day she ran ahead of me in a store and went down an aisle with water and broken glass on the ground (seriously though, wtf.) I got to her quickly and was able to remove her, but her independence scares me.

So, from one desperate mom to another, I would love advice.  I know there isn’t a magic solution, but does anyone else have a strong little firecracker they have found a way to communicate with?  Looking forward to what everyone has to say.