Just got back from dropping Katie off at daycare… It was a lot harder actually leaving today than visiting Tuesday. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry, but of course I did. It’s funny because I never cried dropping her off at the nanny’s house or the babysitting service that’s also at school, but somehow this feels different.
I told myself I wasn’t going to cry, but of course I did.
I think it’s not so much the dropping her off that was hard as it was the implications of what daycare means. It means she’s going to become more independent, which is a good thing, but it’s hard not to think about her struggling along the way. When I packed her lunch and I packed her a string cheese, I wondered to myself if someone would help her open it. I’m sure they will, and I’m sure she could probably do it herself if she really wanted to, but I can’t help but think that she’ll get frustrated. I know frustrations are part of life but it’s tough to think about your kid struggling. Or rather, it’s tough to think about her being frustrated under someone else’s care. If we were at home and she was struggling with the something I could just say “Why don’t you try to figure it out” and give some guidance if she needed it and wouldn’t feel bad (which I’m sure is literally what her teachers will do too – they might even help more than I would. I’m more the tough love one and Jason is actually the softy.) I guess it’s hard for me to think that she’ll be frustrated and Mommy won’t be there.
I know frustrations are part of life but it’s tough to think about your kid struggling.
I also worry that the other kids won’t be nice to her or share with her. As soon as we got there, she wanted to play with another little girl, and she reached out for a toy and the little girl took it and said “no.” So Katie looked back at me and said “share?” Because I always tell her to share, and then I had to tell her the little girl didn’t feel like sharing right now (while in my head thinking you little bitch not sharing with my kid haha. Jk… kind of). K looked confused and a little hurt but I distracted her with another toy and that was that. Which was a super easy fix but in that brief second that she looked at me, I thought about how I can’t solve all of her problems and I can’t prevent her from ever feeling hurt. I know not everyone likes you and that’s part of life but again it hurts me to think of her hurting. I think what it boils down to is it’s hard for me to think of her going out into the world and becoming her own person, which I know is exactly the goal when you have a kid. I just can’t believe my little girl is growing up.
I can’t solve all of her problems and I can’t prevent her from ever feeling hurt.
Tomorrow we will be at least 1/8 of the way done with full-time wear of the harness (depending if she needs to do 6 or 8 weeks.) It’s already going by pretty fast. On one hand, I can’t wait for her to be able to spend some time out of it and kick her legs and take real baths, but also know it will bring the new challenge of putting it back on every day once she’s had a taste of freedom. But, only 11-13 more weeks until she’s done with everything. One day at a time.