Browsing Tag

motherhood

How White People Can Be an Ally to the Black Lives Matter Movement

Posted on September 6, 2020

Mixed race family Black Lives Matter talking to kids about race @parentdaze long beach

Wondering how to be an ally to the Black Lives Matter movement?

1) Educate yourself. Blackout Tuesday was not an opportunity to post and sign off. It was (and still is) our chance to listen. If you don’t understand why black people are angry, start with a google search and keep digging! Today I learned that the median income for black households is 41k, vs 71k for white households. This is only one of the many statistics that demonstrate the institutionalized racism that our country was founded upon.

If you don’t understand why black people are angry, start with a google search and keep digging

2) Donate. I’m not suggesting this in lieu of educating yourself, but if you’re in a position to donate, please do so. @blklivesmatter and @naacp_ldf are both great organizations to donate to.

3) Use your voice. In the words of @mrsbrittanyhennessy to influencers, “You cannot turn up for #sponcon but stay silent when people are being murdered by the government. Your grid will be fine.” This week, I emailed all of the brands I’m currently working with and let them know I would not be posting sponsored content this week or next week. If we turn down the sponcon on our newsfeeds, we can help #AmplifyMelanatedVoices that we need to be listening to right now.

Talk to your kids about race and racism.

4) Talk to your kids about race and racism. Kids are the voices of the next generation. We started this conversation early because the kids noticed “daddy is brown and mommy is yellow.” (We’re teaching them more appropriate ways to say this…) I plan on posting more soon about having age-appropriate race discussions, but for now I’m just going to suggest a couple things we can do like choosing shows with ethnically diverse characters, choosing dolls/action figures of different races, and discussing how we all look different but we are equally important

Don’t worry about “showing up late” to the movement.

5) Don’t worry about “showing up late” to the movement. It’s not a competition and more voices bring more awareness. Thanks @drq_dpt for bringing this up because I would not have thought to share this one otherwise.

I understand that I will never understand, but I will stand with you.

Please feel free to add any more in the comments. And if anything I’ve said is not politically correct, please feel free to let me know that also. I’m still learning. I understand that I will never understand, but I will stand with you.

Daily Life

The Miracle of Life: Remembering Not to Take it for Granted

Posted on May 13, 2019

Mother’s Day… Some people think it’s just another Hallmark holiday..

A reason to buy cards and flowers that were marked up in price for the week. But I like to take the day to really appreciate what it means to be a mom. I think about everything my mom has done for me, and now that I have kids of my own, I appreciate that I get to be a mom to them as well.

Katie had colic, so the day wasn’t what I hoped it would be.

I’ll never forget my first Mother’s Day. K wasn’t even 2 months old and Jason and I were still navigating what it meant to be parents. He got me takeout from one of my favorite restaurants and said he would watch K for the day so I could watch a movie and relax. But Katie had colic, so there was no relaxing. She screamed the entire day, which wasn’t very conducive to watching a movie. Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t just take a walk by myself. But we were new parents, and we felt like we had to do all of our parenting together.

I reflect a little bit every year on Mother’s Day about the baby we’ll never meet

On my 2nd Mother’s Day, I was pregnant again. K was about 13 months. I actually don’t remember what we did, but I remember thinking that I would have 2 children the next time we celebrated Mother’s Day. That was the pregnancy we lost. I reflect a little bit every year on Mother’s Day about the baby we’ll never meet, but I know that without this loss, we wouldn’t have Isabelle.

Sore nipples, a healing wound from being cut in half, and minimal sleep don’t put me in the celebrating mood.

Mother’s Day 2017. First outing post c-section.

I never got to be a mom to that baby, but on my third Mother’s Day, I still found myself a mother of 2. Just barely. I got pregnant with Isabelle 4 weeks after my miscarriage, and she was born 6 days before Mother’s Day. I was still recovering from a c section, so we took it easy that year. Sore nipples, a healing wound from being cut in half, and minimal sleep don’t put me in the celebrating mood. We did a quick brunch and then spent the day at home.

K put on her octopus head from Halloween.

My fourth Mother’s Day was hectic. The girls were 3 and 1. We took them to brunch, but I didn’t spend much time reflecting that year. I didn’t spend much time doing anything, actually, aside from running around chasing a toddler and a baby. I do remember trying to get a cute Mother’s Day photo of them in their matching jammies, and K put on her octopus head from Halloween. Then she wore it the entire mile walk to brunch, and all during brunch. She kept asking me to hold her tentacles so she didn’t get syrup on them while she ate pancakes.

In February, I had my fourth surgery for endometriosis.

Mother’s Day 2018. Katie wearing her octopus head on the walk to brunch.

Yesterday was my fifth Mother’s Day. I found myself much more reflective this year. In February, I had my fourth surgery for endometriosis. They found endometriosis, scar tissue adhesions from my c section, and adenomyosis. I joined a Endometriosis facebook support group following surgery, so I could have a place to talk about my pain and support other women through theirs.

To them, Mother’s Day is a reminder that they will likely never conceive.

When I was browsing my facebook newsfeed yesterday morning, I saw post after post in the support group from women whose endometriosis has caused them fertility problems. These women were struggling yesterday. To them, Mother’s Day is a reminder that they will likely never conceive. I know there are other ways to be a mother, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult for women who wanted to conceive a child and are unable to. It hurt my heart for them, and it made me count my blessings that I was able to have 2 healthy girls, despite my endometriosis.

Conceiving a child is truly a miracle

Conceiving a child is truly a miracle. So many things need to go right, just for the conception to occur. Then when you consider that the majority of babies are born with 2 arms and 2 eyes and a heart that pumps their blood exactly the way it’s supposed to… It’s incredible. I had to stop and marvel at the miracle of it all, and appreciate my healthy girls.

Does this mean I don’t think we should celebrate Mother’s Day because not everyone can conceive children of their own?

Mother’s Day 2018. My “cute” Mother’s Day pic of the girls in matching jammies.

Does this mean every second is a joy? Absolutely not. Motherhood is the toughest job I’ve ever had, and it definitely has its ups and downs. Does this mean I don’t think we should celebrate Mother’s Day because not everyone can conceive? Also, no. That’s like saying we shouldn’t eat because not everyone has food. But I do think it’s something we should keep in mind as we celebrate, and be grateful.

I want to focus on the feel of their sticky little hands on the back of my neck when they come in for hugs.

It also means that I want to take more moments to slow down, to stop and appreciate my kids for the miracles they are. I want to tell them I love them every single day. I want to focus on the feel of their sticky little hands on the back of my neck when they come in for hugs. I want to remember the relief I felt when I heard each of their first cries. I want to remember that I’m lucky, and so are they.

Motherhood is a privilege, and those of us who are able to experience it – whether through conception, adoption, or surrogacy – are truly blessed. And that is what I learned on my fifth Mother’s Day.

Daily Life

Our Family is Moving into a Two Bedroom!

Posted on December 6, 2018

Leaving our babymoon to sign apartment paperwork

So, we’re moving.

In just a few days. It kind of came as a surprise, as far as moving goes. Our landlord let us know about 2 weeks ago that there was an opening in our complex for a larger unit, with 2 bedrooms. We had been talking about moving on and off for years, and it was never really the right time.

Life with 1 baby in the big one-bedroom.

We had been talking about moving on and off for years, and it was never really the right time.

We moved into this apartment from a smaller one bedroom when I was 9 months pregnant with Katie. Why move from a one bedroom to another one bedroom? Because our last one bedroom was so tiny, there’s no way we could have possibly been able to fit a crib or any of the other things a baby needs! The featured image is of Jason and I on the last day of our babymoon, and we left from there to sign the paperwork for the apartment we’re currently in.

We moved into this apartment from a smaller one bedroom when I was 9 months pregnant with Katie.

SoCal living is much different from Michigan where I grew up.

In college when I looked at apartments, I remember thinking about what amenities I wanted – a dishwasher, parking, close to campus, etc. Then I moved to Long Beach. Now I’m realizing you pick your price range…. and that’s about all you can pick. You see what’s available in your price range, and you can take it or leave it.

You pick your price range…. and that’s about all you can pick.

If you are casually browsing, you can just look every few days and see what’s out there that matches your needs. If you have a deadline, like you’re having a baby or changed jobs and need to move, expect apartment searching to be pretty much another part-time job. And if find something but can’t look at it until later that day, there’s a good chance it will be gone by then. It’s happened to us!

Expect apartment searching to be pretty much another part-time job.

Trying to eat while K slept on me when she had colic

So, when I was about 8 and a half months pregnant with K, we found our large one bedroom. We had actually been searching for 2 bedrooms at the time, but we didn’t really find anything that we loved that was in our price range. (This meant lots and lots of tears from a hormonal soon-to-be mama…) We decided to take the large one bedroom because I was about to burst. I had Katie 3 weeks later, and we agreed to start looking at 2 bedrooms in another year.

When K was 13 months, I got pregnant again.

It seemed difficult to move during another pregnancy, so we held off our search. We ended up losing that baby, but I got pregnant for a third time 4 weeks after the loss. Again, we put off our search.

It seemed difficult to move during another pregnancy

And now, here we are. Isabelle is 18 months, but I’ve been so busy with work and the kids that searching for an apartment as well seemed like an impossible feat. Our landlord knocked on our door the other day and let us know the unit right next to us opened up! We literally only have to move about 4 feet over!

The opportunity fell into our laps, and we had to jump on it.

All this clutter and 2 babies in our little apartment

As a family, we’ve had a lot of emotions surrounding the move, even though it’s literally next door. Jason and I really excited. More space will mean a better quality of life for everyone. We won’t be so on top of each other, the kids will have more to play, more storage space will mean less clutter, and less clutter makes it easier to relax.

More space will mean a better quality of life for everyone.

We’re also excited to have our own room! I never realized how much having your own space means to a relationship. Even the little things like watching a show together in bed help with bonding. Since having the girls, our bedroom was literally just a place for us to sleep. It didn’t feel like “our” space. And having 2 little kids is stressful, so anything that makes you feel more unified as a couple is important!

It didn’t feel like “our” space.

K is a little confused.

Despite me telling her over and over that ALL our belongings are moving with us, she keeps asking about specific items. “But what about my backpack?” “Yes, it’s coming. EVERYTHING is coming.” “But what about my bed?” … She also asked briefly if she should leave some of her toys for the next people who live here, before quickly having a change of heart and saying “Those are MY toys!” Her giving spirit was cute, and brief.

K is also not sure about having a room with only Isabelle, and not Mommy and Daddy too.

Jason and the girls – soon to be partners in crime!

K is also not sure about having a room with only Isabelle, and not Mommy and Daddy too. I know after she adjusts, she’s going to love it. Maybe too much… already imagining the mischief the 2 of them will be getting in together! But she’s also never had in a room away from us before. It will be new and different, at first. Just like the transition to a toddler bed, I can see a layer of excitement in her, and another of unease. And for me, feelings of pride mixed with a little sadness about how she’s growing up so fast!

I am also feeling a little bittersweet about leaving.

OF COURSE I am beyond excited for more space and our own bedroom, but there’s also that feeling about a chapter closing that’s leaving me emotional. (I know half of you can relate and half of you are rolling your eyes because it’s RIGHT NEXT DOOR.) .

I was scared about labor, life as a mom, breastfeeding, all of it…

Katie diagnosed with colic at 7 weeks

But when we moved into this apartment, I was 9 months pregnant. I was scared about labor, life as a mom, breastfeeding, all of it… K was born and a few weeks later, she was diagnosed with colic, so I had some really dark times in the beginning. In THIS apartment. These were followed by some of the most wonderful times as I watched her grow from a colicky newborn into a smiley 6 month old and then a walking, talking little person (or threenager….) . In THIS apartment. During that time I also made a career switch into marketing, and I lost a baby which led to more really dark times for me. All in this apartment…

During that time I also made a career switch into marketing, and I lost a baby.

I got pregnant with Isabelle here, and tried to balance being so effing exhausted and crabby and just wanting to sleep with wanting to make sure I enjoyed the last of my time with K as an only child. My pregnancy with Isabelle was difficult. I remember a lot of tears, ER trips, bleeding, and early labor. She was born healthy via c section. Several months later, I made another big career decision and decided to work for myself. While living in THIS apartment.

And now here we are almost 4 years later.

39 weeks – the day before I had Isabelle

We went from a family of 2 to a family of 4. From spending the weekend at the bars to spending it at the aquarium. I was waitressing when we moved in and undecided in what I wanted to do with my life (my degree is in neuroscience and I realized I didn’t want to work in a lab forever…) Now, I’m freelancing in marketing and I never thought I would enjoy work so much. Jason and I have grown into a completely different couple than we were when we moved in, in a good way. We’ve been tested in more ways than I ever thought possible when I was childless. And we made it.

So, what I leave behind (aka next door, I know), is some of the best and worst pieces of the most influential chapter of my life.

So, what I leave behind (aka next door, I know…), is some of the best and worst pieces of the most influential chapter of my life. It feels strange, and exciting. I’m simultaneously feeling nostalgia and practically vibrating out of my seat with excitement for what the future will hold for us. My next post will probably be written in the comfort of my own bedroom, and I can’t wait to begin this new chapter of our lives.