Browsing Tag

mom blog

Opinion Pieces

Having Kids Has Turned Me Into the Worst Pet Owner

Posted on October 13, 2017

Okay, maybe not THE WORST.  I’m no Mike Vick. And our 2 cats still get fed, fresh water, litter changed (although maybe not as much as they used to), and they have warm beds to sleep in.  But the accommodations end there.

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation.

Dopey outside on his leash

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation.  I would wonder what they were doing, if they missed me, if they felt abandoned.  I used to chase them around the house forcing my love upon them and holding them against their will while I buried my face in their fur (okay, maybe I was the worst pet owner before?).  I even took them outside when I would sit outside (on leashes because they aren’t cut out for outdoor life…)  My love for them actually peaked while I was pregnant, oddly enough.  I felt super attached to them!  Maybe some weird motherly changes in my brain that I had nowhere to direct yet?  (Did anyone else feel that way?)

Then the first baby, Katie, came.  Then it was “we need to keep the bedroom door closed to keep the cats away from the baby.”  I didn’t want their fur or dander or, heaven forbid, fleas in her crib.  (We live in Southern California – even the most diligent pet owner will see a flea or two in the summer time.)  Not to mention an accidental scratching if they went in her crib while she was in there too.  I began spending most of my time on the couch with the baby (nursing around the clock…) and less time chasing the cats around soliciting love.  Not that I was ever mean to them if they came around, just that I had a job to do as a mother, and that job was protect the baby.

Me and Dopey when I was pregnant with Katie. We were besties.

As Katie got into her toddler years, we began to relax a little bit.  She was old enough to chase the cats and an accidental scratch or flea bite wouldn’t kill her.  And then baby number 2 came, Isabelle.

I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty

This time, it wasn’t so much fleas or scratches we worried about (I mean, she’s our second kid.) It was more that I was so tapped out from being touched all the time, I had less love to give the cats.  I spend every waking moment with at least one of the girls.  I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty (no, it’s not Jason.  We aren’t into that.). So by the end of the day, I am pretty touched-out.  When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off. 

Jason’s cat Dante. I don’t even want to admit how far back I had to look to find a pic of him.

When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off.

I feel bad, I really do.  I wish I had more love to give.  I honestly don’t know how dog owners do it because having a dog is almost like having another child. 

It does give me solace that Katie loves the cats so much, so in a sense, she’s replaced me chasing them around and forcing her love upon them.  I don’t know how much they enjoy it, but to be honest, I’m not sure how much they enjoyed it when I did it either.  And in a couple years, Isabelle will be old enough to chase them too and they’ll get twice the love from the girls.  And the girls will need me less so maybe I’ll have more love to give the cats then too.  If they forgive my temporary absence (I know cats can hold grudges).  I hope they know that I still love them and I will always take care of them, but sometimes I just need a moment where no one is touching me.

Opinion Pieces

Can We Please Talk About Decision Fatigue?

Posted on September 1, 2017

I wake up every day around 6 with my kids.  I dress them, I nurse the baby and make breakfast for my toddler, and then we pack up for the day.  I take them to the park and on walks and to places like the aquarium.  When I have downtime, I work, clean, meal prep, and do laundry.  Yesterday I even made my own baby wipes. I’m not telling you all of this to complain, I’m telling you this to set the stage that I’m not a lazy person.  (Although I do partially take my kids places because I’m lazy). But I digress…. So, if I can do all of these other things, why the hell would I rather lose an arm than clean out my junk drawer (okay, drawers…)?  I did some research, and it’s because of a little thing called decision fatigue.

When I think back, I have always been indecisive.  When I was a kid and my mom would make me a bagel, I would ask for half with cream cheese, a quarter with butter, and a quarter plain, because I just couldn’t decide which I wanted the most.  I always look at the menu at restaurants for what seems like an eternity, no matter how many times I’ve been there.  Even if it’s just McDonalds (if the McRib is not back, we all know what they have to offer.). I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

Making decisions for me feels stressful.  Sometimes the decisions are important, so the stress is warranted.  But when I get a stomach ache cleaning my junk drawer because I can’t decide what to do with a shoelace (which shoe did it come from?), 3 batteries (how do I know if they’re good or not? And if not good, how do I dispose of them?), and a button (which shirt did this come off of?), at least now I know I can blame decision fatigue.

I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all.

Do I kind of sound like a hoarder?  I may have a tiny bit of hoarder tendencies too if I’m being honest, but that’s not my whole problem.  I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all.  What about this shirt?  Does it fit?  Will it fit someday?  Do I want it?  Can I donate it?  Okay, if I donate it, now I have to wash it.  When am I going to find time to do that on top of my regular laundry and other duties?  I should just stick it back in the closet and deal with it another time.  Do you see the problems this creates for me?  Please feel free to rub your thumb and forefinger together and make a “world’s tiniest violin” joke at my expense.

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it.

I’m not saying decision fatigue is a clinical diagnosis or that I need to see a doctor for my horrible problem (although depending what kind of meds are offered, the kids have been driving me kinda crazy lately!…. Kidding! Sort of.), but it does give me a little bit of peace of mind knowing WHY I have such a hard time doing some of the things I know would improve my quality of life. 

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it.  I was honestly starting to think I had depression (thank you Dr. Google!).

Yesterday I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and it was easy for me.  Do you know why?  I told myself it was because I love cooking and having the kitchen organized was more important to me than other rooms.  But I was lying to myself.  It was because everything I looked at had 3 options:  Is it expired?  Is it expired yet still usable? (I don’t care that my chicken bouillon expired a month ago to be honest. Okay, maybe it expired at the end of May.). Is it not expired and can be put back on the shelf?  That’s it. This was so easy for me because there was almost no decision to be made.  And now about 50% of my kitchen cupboards, as well as the fridge and freezer, are clean and organized and every time I pass the kitchen, I take a peek in them and feel good about myself.

I hate throwing away things that someone else could use.

If you are thinking to yourself, I am like this but so is everyone else, I have found out that NO, not everyone is!  Both my boyfriend and my dad can sort through a junk drawer in minutes and probably throw out 90% of what was in there.  Because either “we don’t need it” or “we probably don’t need it but can buy another one if we do.”  But here’s my argument against that: I hate wasting!  I hate throwing away things that someone else could use so if I have something I don’t need, maybe someone else DOES need it, and now I have more decisions to make about what to do next with it.  And that’s hard for me.

Charcuterie plate

 

Before I had heard of decision fatigue, I already noticed things I have started to do in my life that make it so much easier for me and I didn’t realize what they all had in common.  I LOVE lists, for one.  I sometimes look at what we got from the grocery store and make lists of dinner options for us to choose from each night (and usually I’ll have Jason choose).  Or I’ll do charcuterie because then I can have some of everything.  I also plan out outfits for the girls the night before (but not mine because who cares what I wear).  I’ve even heard Obama used to plan out his shirts and ties for a week!  (No, I didn’t fact check this and I don’t know if it’s actually true so I’ll just roll with it #fakenews).  But what do these things have in common?!  Less decision making!  I am starting to find out what works in SOME areas of my life but not all.

Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more. 

So here’s what I’m asking of you, friends.  Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more.  Our apartment is not that big to have all the crap we do but I will need some help sorting.  Jason and I decided on Monday we will each coffee up (Yay Starbucks!) and get to work on at minimum the kitchen and bathroom and really really hoping to get to the closet too.  I would love to hear advice from other people who suffer from decision fatigue on how you force yourself to sort through things without getting too burned out and stay organized once you are done.  Thanks in advance!

Opinion Pieces

How to take your young kids to a restaurant and not have a terrible time

Posted on August 29, 2017

Going to restaurants with young kids is THE WORST.  You have no idea how they will behave and whether or not you’re going to have to bolt at a moment’s notice.  So we all know the obvious things like not to take them anywhere super fancy, expensive, really busy, etc., but in the past year or so with our toddler, we’ve been able to pinpoint a few other features of restaurants that make it more likely we will not end up with a thrashing child on the floor (again, no promises).

#1) Outside – Now I know this isn’t possible in all regions/seasons, but if you can find somewhere with outdoor seating, I highly recommend it. For some reason our toddler does A LOT better outside.  I don’t know if it’s that there’s more to look at or she feels less enclosed, but her behavior is guaranteed to be better outside.  Plus we don’t feel as bad when she inevitably spills or drops food on the ground.  The bird will get it, right?

#2) Empty – There are a couple things that go along with empty.  There is the obvious like off peak hours (2-4 pm – after lunch and before dinner), week day vs weekend, but what I really mean is choose an empty-ish restaurant.  Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times?  The one that might have roaches?  That place is probably not very busy and you have a little more freedom with the kind of behavior you can allow there.  Maybe your kid wants to stand next to the table and color instead of sitting, whatever.  And if they do act up, there’s no one there to judge you.  Bonus is that the old men who got there at 8 am to start drinking probably won’t judge if you want to have a bloody mary.  Just sayin.

Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times?  The one that might have roaches?

#3) . Bring EVERYTHING – I bring an entire giant bag of toys when we go to restaurants.  My friends laugh and say I look like a bag lady.  Does it suck to pack up 10,000 things?  Yup.  But you know what sucks more?  Sitting down to have a meal at a restaurant and having to leave because your kid won’t behave.  So seriously, pack everything your kid likes right now.  Include a variety of different types of toys – electric vs not, different shapes/colors, etc., maybe a couple of things that are BRAND NEW or that they haven’t seen in a while.  Better yet, keep a bag of toys set aside that you ONLY bring to restaurants so playing with them will be like a treat.  (Keep an eye out for a future blog post about what I keep in my bag!)

“Please show me your finest table”

#4 Be choosy about where your table is – This is one of the biggest things that we consider when we are deciding where to eat.  Even more important than food selection or price.  What are the tables like at this place?  Booths are better than tables because we can block our kid in.  High backs are especially good.  We also try for a table in the corner when we can, even if it means waiting an extra 20 minutes for a table, and more space between tables is a plus.  You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons.  Plus you want to be able to sit your giant bag-o-toys on the floor and not trip anyone.

You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons.

#5) Don’t waste their “good” time before food arrives – This might mean different things to different parents depending on your kid, but this is what it means to me:  When our toddler was young enough for a high chair, it meant keeping her out of it and occupied until our food came.  Otherwise she would get bored of sitting in the high chair.  Now it means maybe taking a short walk or doing a bathroom trip before the food comes, or saving that one super awesome toy for right when they set the plates down. Kids have short attention spans and burn out really easily.  If you give them all their toys right when you arrive and make them sit the whole time, by the time your meal comes they won’t be able to sit still.  (At least that’s how it is for us – any other parents out there have a wiggle worm?)

#6) Kids’ menus – Never underestimate the magic of kids’ menus.  Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them.  Assuming you aren’t going out to eat at the same place every day, kids’ menus are surprisingly effective and holding kids’ attention, much longer that you ever thought a single coloring sheet with 3 crayons could.

Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them.

#7) Let them splurge a little – Eating out is a treat, let your kid get something different.  I would choose something you already know they like but either don’t keep in the house because it’s unhealthy or don’t make because it’s difficult.  Let them get a Belgian waffle or french fries with a couple different dips.  Show them that eating at a restaurant is a fun experience and not just a time for them to be stuck in a chair.

#8) Know when to throw in the towel – Sometimes a short walk will be all it takes to help your kid regroup and they will be good to go for the rest of the meal, sometimes you need to ask for a box and the check.  If our kid is tired, no amount of toys or strategic seating or kids’ menus will make her behave at a restaurant.  It sucks to have to walk out, but trying to stay and force it is  worse.  Not to mention it’s rude to other patrons.  Sometimes you have to call it quits.

#9 There’s always Chuck E. Cheese – Seriously.  I don’t know if you guys have been to a Chuck E. Cheese lately, but they have really stepped up their pizza game.  The one by us is not the dark dingy place I remember (fondly) from my childhood.  It’s clean and bright and the food is good.  Plus there’s beer.  I don’t know if they have all improved or if we got lucky having a newer one by us?  I would suggest maybe reading the reviews of ones in your area before heading over just in case.