how long should I breastfeed my baby

“Aren’t you worried you’re going to make her weird?”

“If she can ask for it, she’s too old.”

“Did you always plan to breastfeed this long?”

For some reason, breastfeeding is one of those things everyone seems to have an opinion about. Last year, I wrote an article about everything I wished someone had told me about breastfeeding. This was based on my experience nursing Katie for 13 months, and I was also in the early months of nursing Isabelle.

This past month, Isabelle turned 18 months. And yes, she’s still nursing. In this article I’m going to talk about everything I have learned about nursing an older baby, including the differences from nursing a younger baby, what my original plan was, the questions I often get, and my favorite nursing products.

How long did you originally plan on nursing?

My plan was to nurse for at least 12 months. I didn’t have a plan to specifically wean at that point, but I knew that 12 months was my first milestone.

Why did you wean your oldest at 13 months?

She actually weaned herself. I was at a point where I was getting ready to wind down so we were only nursing twice a day at that point. I was also pregnant, and supposedly the pregnancy hormones can make your milk taste different and decrease in quantity.

So, I went to nurse Katie one morning, like we had literally done every morning since she was born. And when I pulled out my boob, she looked at it like she had never seen it before in her life. I offered 2 more days in a row after that, and she refused.

The photo to the left is the actual day she stopped nursing.  I thought it was so bizarre that she wasn’t interested so I had Jason snap a pic.  And, that was the end of it.  We were both ready. (Also, don’t judge the giant mess! I had a sprained ankle, was on crutches, and hadn’t showered in a few days… perhaps the lack of showering was the real reason she stopped nursing?)

How long are you planning on nursing now?

I plan on cutting down at 2 years. I’m not saying I’m going to do a hard stop. It really depends on what our nursing relationship is like at that point. Isabelle is still young. Nursing is soothing for her, and I enjoy the bonding experience as well.

What makes it different?

The distractedness! Sometimes Isabelle will pull off to say something to me, or to “boop” my nose, or to point out my facial features and name them. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me sometimes if we are in a hurry. But luckily, she doesn’t NEED breastmilk for nutrition so if she is too distracted and we have to leave, we just stop that nursing session.

We went through a period of a few months where she would nurse in the most awkward positions.

The squirming is another issue too. We went through a period of a few months where she would nurse in the most awkward positions. Hanging upside down off the back of the couch, standing, lying on her side…. The days of using the boppy pillow and having a quiet nursing session were over.

She eventually got over the squirming, but not all kids do. Now, she usually settles in next to me and we curl up together.

Do people make comments about how she’s too old?

ALL the time. I don’t really mind that much. It’s kind of humorous that people’s comments imply I want to wean right now and am just unable to, when that isn’t the case. I get suggestions about how to take away nursing sessions or distract her when she starts asking for milk. People say she doesn’t really need to nurse and it’s time to start cutting back.

I think you see less moms nursing toddlers out in public and everyone assumes it’s uncommon.

I think part of the problem is that many nursing moms feed young babies on demand, so if a mom is out in public and baby needs to eat, the mom is going to feed him or her asap. Fewer moms nurse older babies or toddlers on demand, so I think you see less moms nursing them out in public and everyone assumes it’s uncommon. If I’m out with Isabelle during one of our nursing times, we usually just skip it and she eats regular food. There are a few times I will nurse, but I can also distract her if I need to. Not that I’m ashamed or trying to be secretive about the fact that I’m still nursing, I just feel like it isn’t as urgent as when she was younger.

Do you just let her drink whenever she wants?

I do not. I know that a lot of moms do, and to each her own, but it’s not what I want at this point in our nursing relationship. I did feed on demand when she was younger and I was her only food source. I also will nurse extra when she is teething or sick and wants to nurse for comfort. At this point, we typically nurse in the morning, before nap, after nap, and before bed.

I probably say, “This isn’t a buffet,” 10 times a day to her.

She will sometimes ask to nurse at other times of the day, and I just tell her it isn’t time for milk right now. She is welcome to have other food.

For me, I don’t want to end up in a position where she walks by and does drive-by sips whenever she wants. Some moms are okay with that, but it isn’t for me at this time. So I encourage her to drink more during our nursing sessions and when she’s done, I close up shop until the next time.  I probably say, “This isn’t a buffet,” 10 times a day to her.

Do you feel like it’s weird?

Not at all. First of all, she’s still very much a baby. Many organizations, including the WHO, recommend nursing until age 2. There are plenty of benefits for nursing a baby over 1.

Second of all, it’s what we’ve always done. It’s always been our routine. When you are in that nursing bubble, it’s your norm.

I’ll admit that within a month or two of Katie weaning, I already felt like it would be weird if we were still nursing. I think there is a mental shift after you wean. I would look at her and think wow, she seems so big and grown up, I cannot even imagine if I was still nursing her right now!

I think there is a mental shift after you wean.

I never judged other moms who nursed longer, everyone has their own journey, but it just felt like it would have been weird for ME.

And yet, here I am. Nursing Isabelle 5 months longer than I nursed Katie, and it doesn’t seem weird at all. But I’m guessing a month or two after she weans, I’ll feel that disconnect again about how strange it would be if I was still nursing.

Do you ever get a break from her?

Yup. She spends the night at her grandparents’ house every Sunday night. When she is there, she just drinks regular milk. I don’t pump in her absence, and when she comes home the next day, she asks for milk and I nurse her.

It can feel isolating, and it’s hard to not be able to have extended breaks unless you pump.

I think part of why it’s been so easy to nurse her past 1 is because I don’t feel the same pressure as I did when she was younger. It’s hard nursing in the beginning because for moms who exclusively breastfeed, you are their only food source. It can feel isolating at times and it’s hard to not be able to have extended breaks unless you pump, and I really hated pumping. I did it when I had to, but there were definitely times I didn’t go somewhere because I didn’t have any pumped milk for Isabelle.

At this point, I know I can be away from her and she can just drink milk and water and eat food.

Does she drink regular milk, too?

Yes. She drinks it when I am away, when we go to restaurants, or if she asks for it at home. She is welcome to have regular milk whenever she wants. I’m not trying to force her to rely on me for milk.

I’m not trying to force her to rely on me for milk.

Some people assume a mom who breastfeeds past 1 is selfishly trying to force their baby to need them, or are too weak to “just say no,” but that’s not what it’s about. Nursing is mutually beneficial for both of us.

What does your boyfriend think?

He has been very supportive of my breastfeeding journey. The beginning wasn’t easy for me with either of my girls. It hurt and it was hard to stick with it. I really thought the second time around would be easier, but I had the same issues with pain that I had with Katie, despite the fact that several lactation consultants said Isabelle’s latch was okay.

I’ll admit, he does think it’s weird when I ask him to take a nursing photo for me.

Jason knows that in the big picture, the amount of years I have spent nursing are small, and that it’s healthy for the girls.

I’ll admit, he does think it’s weird when I ask him to take a nursing photo for me. But he also knows that I think it’s important to put photos out to normalize breastfeeding, and he supports that. The more often we see it, the less stigma there will be surrounding it. It makes me sad when I hear stories about women being told to “cover up” or “do that in the bathroom.” I am fortunate to have never been told either of these things.

I’m not saying everyone needs to nurse publicly if they are uncomfortable, but it should be a woman’s choice and no one should feel ashamed to feed their baby.

I think it’s important to put photos out to normalize breastfeeding, and he supports that.

And then I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that Isabelle is small for her age and also very clingy, so she still seems more like a baby than Katie did at the same age.

What are your nursing must-haves?

 

A good nursing tank. This is especially good for new moms who may be uncomfortable nursing in public, but also don’t want to completely cover their baby with a blanket. This tank has clasps that pull down, and then there is a slit in the shelf-bra portion to feed baby through. It still allows for some modesty but baby can eat.

A good nursing bra. This was hard for me to find because I went from a 34DDD to a 34H. Yes, H. Did you know that was a size? Needless to say, my giant H boobs were not comfortable in wireless bras, and most nursing bras are wireless. It felt like the equivalent of putting a sock on my boobs! I needed support! I found this nursing bra in my size, and was also surprised it had some cute lace details. Nothing too fancy, but wasn’t a beige sock either.

I went from a 34DDD to a 34H.

O-cal-ette cups. I’m bummed I didn’t even find out about these until after I had Isabelle. You put them in your bra and they collect all the milk that leaks out, and then you can store and save it. I was shocked how much milk I was losing on one side while I nursed on the other. They also can be worn instead of breast pads to protect against leaking through your shirt.

A good pump. If you are going to be pumping frequently, you should probably invest in a double electric pump.  They aren’t cheap, but I used my Medela double electric pump for about a year with each baby.  In the big picture, it’s worth it.  Hand pumps are a lot of work, and the last thing I wanted to do when I woke up engorged in the middle of the night was to spend 20 minutes cramping up my hands while pumping each side.

Mother’s Milk Tea… It reminds me of black licorice, but it totally works.

A nursing pillow.  This is essential for newborns!  I don’t know how moms survived before nursing pillows! You can use it for so many different positions.  It’s scary trying to make sure their tiny bodies are 100% supported, especially when it’s your first child.  They seem so fragile!  The football hold always worked best for both of my girls when they were young, though many moms I know prefer the traditional cradle hold.

Mother’s Milk Tea.  I’ll be honest, it’s nasty.  I was able to get somewhat used to the taste, but I never enjoyed it.  It reminds me of black licorice.  But it totally works for increasing milk supply.  Oh, also for the first few days, it makes your hands smell like maple syrup!  This is from the fenugreek.

Other Breastfeeding Resources

La Leche League.  This is an international organization that started with the goal of helping women breastfeed.  Many women have been told by doctors that they are unable to breastfeed, that their baby isn’t getting enough milk, that they cannot take certain medications while breastfeeding, etc.  The La Leche League is an authority source on all issues related to breastfeeding, and they have articles to back up their facts.  You can also use their site to find support in your area.

The “Breastfeeding Mamas” facebook group.  It’s a great place to ask questions, look for reassurance, post photos of your baby’s latch, etc.  If you are up in the middle of the night and don’t know if you can power through, this is somewhere you can post and other moms will cheer you on.  *This is a women-only group.*

Kellymom.  This site is a wealth of information for all things newborn.  When I first started nursing and had nipple pain, when I had thrush, when I had mastitis, when Katie had colic…  Kellymom is where I went for answers.

Local breastfeeding groups in your area.  I’m in Long Beach and we have an amazing local group called Long Beach Breastfeeds.  Other cities have similar groups.  A google search should be able to help you find yours.