“Mommy, tickle me! No, not my tummy, tickle my back. Tickle faster! Now tickle sloooow.” *Toddler giggles ensue*. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Do you ever notice how toddlers seem to get everything they want? I mean, assuming it’s safe, reasonable, and not too costly?
Do you ever notice how toddlers seem to get everything they want?
Now what about this scenario: “Hey, girlfriend, I’m going out with my friends. Is that cool?” “Sure, boyfriend. I don’t care. Do whatever you want.” *Angry seething ensues*. Has anyone also been there?
The second scenario was teenage me. I expected my then-boyfriend to be a mind-reader and got mad when I didn’t get what I wanted. This led to a very confused boyfriend. “You said it was okay?” (No, I wasn’t a complete psycho and this wasn’t something that happened ALL the time, but it definitely happened occasionally. I was young, don’t judge me.)
“Mom, stop singing.”
The first scenario is where I strive to be. Perhaps a little less demanding… But if you look at toddlers, you always know what they want. Because they ALWAYS tell you. “Mom, stop singing.” “I don’t want to take a bath.” “Sharing makes me sad.”
Saying what you want isn’t always easy. Especially at first. It makes me feel needy to utter phrases like “I need attention” or “I’m having a hard time today.” And no one likes to feel needy. But what’s worse than worrying about how you potentially look to others is never getting what you want because you don’t speak up.
It makes me feel needy to utter phrases like “I need attention.”
There is definitely a downside to this. Sometimes you put yourself out there, but the answer is no. Just like we have to tell our kids no. Sometimes you may be in the middle of a meltdown, call your significant other at work and tell them you desperately need them (ahem, K’s colic days… dark times…), and they have a meeting or can’t talk for some other reason. But even if that happens some of the time, is it better to never ask? And shoulder every burden alone?
Sometimes you put yourself out there, but the answer is no.
I’m not perfect and I still have not mastered this 100%. But being upfront as often as possible, especially with people I care about, is where I strive to be. It’s how you get the love you deserve, it’s how you get raises, and people respect a straight-shooter.
Demanding women are “bitchy” and demanding men are “go-getters.”
It’s especially hard for women to master this because we are expected to be pleasant and agreeable. (I know these old-timey views are changing but they still absolutely affect gender-roles today.). Demanding women are “bitchy” and demanding men are “go-getters.” But shouldn’t we all strive to be go-getters? How else are we supposed to get what we want if we don’t go get it?
