Going to restaurants with young kids is THE WORST. You have no idea how they will behave and whether or not you’re going to have to bolt at a moment’s notice. So we all know the obvious things like not to take them anywhere super fancy, expensive, really busy, etc., but in the past year or so with our toddler, we’ve been able to pinpoint a few other features of restaurants that make it more likely we will not end up with a thrashing child on the floor (again, no promises).
#1) Outside – Now I know this isn’t possible in all regions/seasons, but if you can find somewhere with outdoor seating, I highly recommend it. For some reason our toddler does A LOT better outside. I don’t know if it’s that there’s more to look at or she feels less enclosed, but her behavior is guaranteed to be better outside. Plus we don’t feel as bad when she inevitably spills or drops food on the ground. The bird will get it, right?
#2) Empty – There are a couple things that go along with empty. There is the obvious like off peak hours (2-4 pm – after lunch and before dinner), week day vs weekend, but what I really mean is choose an empty-ish restaurant. Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times? The one that might have roaches? That place is probably not very busy and you have a little more freedom with the kind of behavior you can allow there. Maybe your kid wants to stand next to the table and color instead of sitting, whatever. And if they do act up, there’s no one there to judge you. Bonus is that the old men who got there at 8 am to start drinking probably won’t judge if you want to have a bloody mary. Just sayin.
Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times? The one that might have roaches?
#3) . Bring EVERYTHING – I bring an entire giant bag of toys when we go to restaurants. My friends laugh and say I look like a bag lady. Does it suck to pack up 10,000 things? Yup. But you know what sucks more? Sitting down to have a meal at a restaurant and having to leave because your kid won’t behave. So seriously, pack everything your kid likes right now. Include a variety of different types of toys – electric vs not, different shapes/colors, etc., maybe a couple of things that are BRAND NEW or that they haven’t seen in a while. Better yet, keep a bag of toys set aside that you ONLY bring to restaurants so playing with them will be like a treat. (Keep an eye out for a future blog post about what I keep in my bag!)
“Please show me your finest table”
#4 Be choosy about where your table is – This is one of the biggest things that we consider when we are deciding where to eat. Even more important than food selection or price. What are the tables like at this place? Booths are better than tables because we can block our kid in. High backs are especially good. We also try for a table in the corner when we can, even if it means waiting an extra 20 minutes for a table, and more space between tables is a plus. You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons. Plus you want to be able to sit your giant bag-o-toys on the floor and not trip anyone.
You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons.
#5) Don’t waste their “good” time before food arrives – This might mean different things to different parents depending on your kid, but this is what it means to me: When our toddler was young enough for a high chair, it meant keeping her out of it and occupied until our food came. Otherwise she would get bored of sitting in the high chair. Now it means maybe taking a short walk or doing a bathroom trip before the food comes, or saving that one super awesome toy for right when they set the plates down. Kids have short attention spans and burn out really easily. If you give them all their toys right when you arrive and make them sit the whole time, by the time your meal comes they won’t be able to sit still. (At least that’s how it is for us – any other parents out there have a wiggle worm?)
#6) Kids’ menus – Never underestimate the magic of kids’ menus. Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them. Assuming you aren’t going out to eat at the same place every day, kids’ menus are surprisingly effective and holding kids’ attention, much longer that you ever thought a single coloring sheet with 3 crayons could.
Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them.
#7) Let them splurge a little – Eating out is a treat, let your kid get something different. I would choose something you already know they like but either don’t keep in the house because it’s unhealthy or don’t make because it’s difficult. Let them get a Belgian waffle or french fries with a couple different dips. Show them that eating at a restaurant is a fun experience and not just a time for them to be stuck in a chair.
#8) Know when to throw in the towel – Sometimes a short walk will be all it takes to help your kid regroup and they will be good to go for the rest of the meal, sometimes you need to ask for a box and the check. If our kid is tired, no amount of toys or strategic seating or kids’ menus will make her behave at a restaurant. 
It sucks to have to walk out, but trying to stay and force it is worse. Not to mention it’s rude to other patrons. Sometimes you have to call it quits.
#9 There’s always Chuck E. Cheese – Seriously. I don’t know if you guys have been to a Chuck E. Cheese lately, but they have really stepped up their pizza game. The one by us is not the dark dingy place I remember (fondly) from my childhood. It’s clean and bright and the food is good. Plus there’s beer. I don’t know if they have all improved or if we got lucky having a newer one by us? I would suggest maybe reading the reviews of ones in your area before heading over just in case.