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Opinion Pieces

I Have a Pity Party Twice a Month, and it’s Awesome

Posted on November 17, 2017

I LOVE being a mom. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I literally wake up *most* days and think of how I can’t wait to spend the day with my girls. Every day is a new adventure. Should we go somewhere? A hike? The park? The beach? Should we paint or do an obstacle course? The possibilities are endless. I am so fortunate that I am able to stay home with them and enrich their lives and watch them grow.

I literally wake up *most* days and think of how I can’t wait to spend the day with my girls.

Up bright and early with the girls

But it’s hard to raise children. You are always “on”. I sometimes describe it to childless people as similar to being in a service position like a waiter, but every moment of every day and never getting a break. You are always around someone, you are asked countless questions, you need to be polite and respectful. It can be emotionally draining some days.

It can be emotionally draining some days.

Add on top of that cleaning a hundred messes a day, cooking dinner, doing the shopping and other errands, and for me, working from home. It can definitely be overwhelming sometimes.

I can always tell when I’m starting to feel tapped out because I just wake up in a negative mood.

I can always tell when I’m starting to feel tapped out because I just wake up in a negative mood. My adorable alarm clock wakes up at 615, as usual, in her hippo jammies, and instead of feeling excited, I wonder WHY IT’S SO EARLY. When I do my work I notice myself grumbling about how unfair life is for moms. We either have to leave our kids and miss out on that time with them, stay home and give up our careers, or work from home and give up every spare moment we could be cooking/cleaning/resting to work, not to mention sometimes having to tell our kids “No, I can’t read to you right now, I’m working.”

I know no one wants to hear me complain.

I know some of you are rolling your eyes right now. This is why I throw MYSELF a pity party; I know no one wants to hear me complain. My life is pretty great. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need a mental health day every once in a while (or in my case, a couple mental health hours, because moms don’t get days off.)

I don’t clean, I don’t meal prep, I don’t work, and I don’t exercise.

Trying to work, eat, and feed Isabelle between her naps

So, on these negative days, I power through the morning, I do my momming, and I try to remain as positive as possible. And then when the girls nap, it’s “me” time. I don’t clean, I don’t meal prep, I don’t work, and I don’t exercise. Instead, I eat doughnuts and corn nuts and I have a beer (I know, gasp!) and watch a funny movie. Sometimes I cry too, if I need to, about how hard it is to be a mom, and how unfair life can be (#firstworldproblems)…

Sometimes I cry too, if I need to.

And when the girls wake up from their naps, I feel refreshed and engaged and am grateful for the time I get to spend with them. And the next morning when my alarm clock wakes me up at 615 shouting “UP! UP!” I smile and make my coffee and get ready for the day.

They say you can’t pour from an empty cup. Apparently my cup needs to be refilled with doughnuts and beer from time to time.

Opinion Pieces

7 Must Haves for Flying With Kids (And none of them is a tablet!)

Posted on November 11, 2017

There is no way around it, flying with kids sucks. SUCKS.

Yes, I love my kids. They are wonderful humans and are a blast to be around. On the ground. Put us in a tiny aircraft and strap us in and all of a sudden I’m wondering if the flight attendant will let me change seats. My kids are 6 months old and a 2.5 years old. I have taken them alone on 2 flights so far this year and will be taking 4 more in the next 3 months.

I’m going to keep this short and sweet: here is my must-have list of things to bring to make it suck (a little) less.

1) A couple plastic bags for trash. The flight attendants only come by once every hour or so. Holding onto your kid’s sticky candy wrapper or half drank milk carton (that is guaranteed to spill) for an hour is the worst. Bring your own trash bags and give them to the flight attendants once they fill up. You will be shocked at the amount of trash your kids can generate in such a short span of time.

2) A non-spill water cup. For younger babies (that are old enough to drink water), think something like this. Because even sippy cups can spill (trust me.) For toddlers, any water bottle with a folding straw is fine.

3) A non-spill snack cup. You can buy a 2 pack on amazon for $6. Best investment ever.

4) Presents! This was an idea my mother-in-law gave me. Go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of little presents and wrap them individually in wrapping paper. Give one to your kid every half hour or so. No, they will not all be winners but unwrapping takes a couple minutes and they will be in a better mood because of the excitement over getting presents. *Keep an eye out for my upcoming post on what some of the winners were from my last trip.*

5) Paper towels/napkins/wipes. The flight attendants give you 1 tiny napkin with each drink. You WILL need more (even if you have 3 drinks – not that I would know…) And don’t forget to keep your paper products somewhere they are easily accessible in case of an emergency (think below the seat in front of you versus stowed overhead.)

6) Spare clothes. Even with spill proof snack containers, spill proof cups, and napkins, someone will get messy.

7) A lot of luck. You’ll need it.

Opinion Pieces

What Do You Do When Your Kid Won’t Listen to You?

Posted on November 3, 2017

No, seriously. I’m asking. I hope you didn’t come here for the answer because I don’t have it (although hoping someone comments with a magic solution…). Sure, I know what to do IN THE MOMENT. If my kid strays too far from me at a store and doesn’t return when I call her, obviously I know the solution is to go and get her. But what do I do so it doesn’t happen next time? (And the time after that. And after that.)

My first born is a firecracker, a free-thinker, independent, spirited, fearless…

My first born is a firecracker, a free-thinker, independent, spirited, fearless… and I LOVE her for that. And I don’t want to change that about her. She will do incredible things someday. But we need to come to some sort of understanding about rules. Because she doesn’t listen to a damn thing I say.

I don’t fight her if she wants to wear her rain boots to the beach or take her shirt off at the park.

I try my best to pick my battles, I really do. I don’t fight her if she wants to wear her rain boots to the beach or take her shirt off at the park. I’m not going to lose my shit if she eats a goldfish off the ground, especially if she was the one who dropped it (though I will discourage her from doing it again.) For us, the big battles are safety related – hers and her sister’s. This means no jumping on the couch, standing on the swivel chair, climbing the tv stand (are you noticing a pattern here?), and returning when she gets too far away from me and I call her. (Ideally not getting that far from me to begin with…)

So far, we have stuck with logical consequences despite them not really working. For example, if you jump on the couch you have to sit on the floor. This usually results in her sitting on the floor, which she doesn’t mind, and doesn’t deter her from jumping on the couch next time. Same with me taking the toys she throws. Sometimes she will throw something and then hand it to me and say “Mommy take.”

Sometimes she will throw something and then hand it to me and say “Mommy take.”

We have also tried time out, which doesn’t seem to help. In fact, sometimes she will throw something and put herself on time out for a minute and then return. We tried swapping time outs for time ins for a while, which actually led to an increase in bad behaviors so she could get Mommy alone for a few minutes. (I would like to add that I do take time every day to spend alone with her and try to do one or two outings a week just the two of us, but with a 6 month old, there’s only so much alone time I can give her.) Despite the controversy, we still do the occasional time out, more for my sanity than anything (I know. Shame.)

I have read books and blogs and watched Nanny 911 videos on youtube.

I have read books and blogs and watched Nanny 911 videos on youtube. I make eye contact, speak to her like an adult, and avoid going places when she’s tired (we practically avoid stores like the plague anyways because it’s just too hard.) I wish I could say I never raise my voice, but that’s a lie. I wish I didn’t, but when danger is imminent, or I am just overly frustrated because I’ve said the same thing 700 times, I sometimes raise my voice. And honestly, it gets results half the time, which is more than I can say about anything else I’ve tried. But I want results without raising my voice.

I’m not unreasonable. I know toddlers don’t always listen. I would even settle for her listening 50% of the time. I feel like that’s fair?

I would even settle for her listening 50% of the time. I feel like that’s fair?

The problem I am having is that I don’t want her to blindly follow the rules and I don’t want to break her spirit. I love that she is independent and tenacious, but I also want her to be safe. The other day she ran ahead of me in a store and went down an aisle with water and broken glass on the ground (seriously though, wtf.) I got to her quickly and was able to remove her, but her independence scares me.

So, from one desperate mom to another, I would love advice. I know there isn’t a magic solution, but does anyone else have a strong little firecracker they have found a way to communicate with? Looking forward to what everyone has to say.

Opinion Pieces

Having Kids Has Turned Me Into the Worst Pet Owner

Posted on October 13, 2017

Okay, maybe not THE WORST. I’m no Mike Vick. And our 2 cats still get fed, fresh water, litter changed (although maybe not as much as they used to), and they have warm beds to sleep in. But the accommodations end there.

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation.

Dopey outside on his leash

Before I had kids, I used to be someone who missed our cats when I went on vacation. I would wonder what they were doing, if they missed me, if they felt abandoned. I used to chase them around the house forcing my love upon them and holding them against their will while I buried my face in their fur (okay, maybe I was the worst pet owner before?). I even took them outside when I would sit outside (on leashes because they aren’t cut out for outdoor life…) My love for them actually peaked while I was pregnant, oddly enough. I felt super attached to them! Maybe some weird motherly changes in my brain that I had nowhere to direct yet? (Did anyone else feel that way?)

Then the first baby, Katie, came. Then it was “we need to keep the bedroom door closed to keep the cats away from the baby.” I didn’t want their fur or dander or, heaven forbid, fleas in her crib. (We live in Southern California – even the most diligent pet owner will see a flea or two in the summer time.) Not to mention an accidental scratching if they went in her crib while she was in there too. I began spending most of my time on the couch with the baby (nursing around the clock…) and less time chasing the cats around soliciting love. Not that I was ever mean to them if they came around, just that I had a job to do as a mother, and that job was protect the baby.

Me and Dopey when I was pregnant with Katie. We were besties.

As Katie got into her toddler years, we began to relax a little bit. She was old enough to chase the cats and an accidental scratch or flea bite wouldn’t kill her. And then baby number 2 came, Isabelle.

I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty

This time, it wasn’t so much fleas or scratches we worried about (I mean, she’s our second kid.) It was more that I was so tapped out from being touched all the time, I had less love to give the cats. I spend every waking moment with at least one of the girls. I don’t shower alone, I spend half the night not sleeping alone, and sometimes someone is even touching my face when I’m going potty (no, it’s not Jason. We aren’t into that.). So by the end of the day, I am pretty touched-out. When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off.

Jason’s cat Dante. I don’t even want to admit how far back I had to look to find a pic of him.

When the girls are finally sleeping and one of the cats crawls onto my lap, I can dole out maybe 5 minutes of pets before gently pushing them off.

I feel bad, I really do. I wish I had more love to give. I honestly don’t know how dog owners do it because having a dog is almost like having another child.

It does give me solace that Katie loves the cats so much, so in a sense, she’s replaced me chasing them around and forcing her love upon them. I don’t know how much they enjoy it, but to be honest, I’m not sure how much they enjoyed it when I did it either. And in a couple years, Isabelle will be old enough to chase them too and they’ll get twice the love from the girls. And the girls will need me less so maybe I’ll have more love to give the cats then too. If they forgive my temporary absence (I know cats can hold grudges). I hope they know that I still love them and I will always take care of them, but sometimes I just need a moment where no one is touching me.

Opinion Pieces

I am 4 Months into My No-Poo Journey and You Guys, I am Not Sold.

Posted on September 19, 2017

I started going no-poo for the environment. Just kidding, it was mostly because I’m lazy, I had just had a baby, and one day I realized I had gone a full week without a shower. (So #1) lazy, #2) chemicals on my body, #3) chemicals and plastic in the environment, if I’m being totally honest.). Anyways, I remembered reading about how some people decided to forgo shampoo and it gave them the best hair ever. I figured it’s already been a week, I just had a baby so I’m not going anywhere fancy, and also it’s summer so it will be in a ponytail 90% of the time anyways. What better time to go no-poo?

I just had a baby so I’m not going anywhere fancy

After my first baking soda “wash” around 2 weeks

I started doing research and realized there were a whole lot of ways to go no-poo. All this research was not appealing to my lazy side at all… But I noticed the general consensus was varying amounts of baking soda mixed with water 1-2 times a month and an apple cider vinegar/water mixture as a conditioner? So I started. I waited 2 weeks before even trying the baking soda or apple cider vinegar and “washed” with only water while I gave my hair time to adjust and stop overproducing oils (this is supposedly what washing every day causes).

During that 2 weeks, my hair was pretty gross. Well, it reached peak grossness around day 4 or so and while it didn’t seem to be continuing to get oilier, the oil stayed during that time because the water wasn’t really rinsing it out.

During that 2 weeks, my hair was pretty gross.

I’m going to back up and add that I’ve always had super oily hair. Sometimes it’s already oily by the end of the day but otherwise it’s definitely oily in the morning. I had been washing daily with shampoo and conditioner for as long as I can remember.

My hair looked okay. Okay enough to wear it down.

Anyways, so I washed with the baking soda and water after 2 weeks. My hair looked okay. Okay enough to wear it down. But it otherwise didn’t look any different than it did when I was washing daily. That was another incentive for why I wanted to go no-poo. On a scale of 1-10, my hair is about a 5 on an average day. If I spend an hour doing it, it might be a 7. It’s never been worth it for me to spend an hour on something that still looks pretty meh, so I’ve just stuck to washing and brushing it and leaving it alone.

Where was my amazing hair?

But many of the no-poo blogs I had read said it made their hair amazing. Where was my amazing hair? In some blogs I read that it took 4-6 weeks for this great hair to appear, and in others I read it took as long as 4-6 months. So I’ve decided to wait.

Another problem I’ve encountered is that between baking soda “washes”, (because apparently too much baking soda isn’t good for your hair either), I was still getting a ton of oil just “washing” with water. Now for more research (this was really turning out to be more work than I initially expected.). I read that between baking soda “washes”, a lot of people were using rye flour mixed with water. So I went to the store and bought some and tried “washing” with that. They were right, the oil was gone, but still no amazing hair. Oh and also, the rye flour leaves husks in my hair that I end up brushing out the rest of the day. I have read I can sift first… but this seems like a lot of work too.

The oil was gone, but still no amazing hair.

Yet another problem I’ve had is dandruff, which I’ve never had. A little more research told me to add tea tree oil to my baking soda/water mixture. This seemed to help get rid of most of it, and also gave my hair a pleasant smell, which was nice. It’s smelled like hair for quite some time now (and straight up oil for the first 2 weeks which wasn’t that awesome.)

So here I am, on the 4th month. No-poo, a little dandruff, no oil, but still have hair that’s kinda meh.

So here I am, on the 4th month. No-poo, a little dandruff, no oil, but still have hair that’s kinda meh. (See image to the left.) But I’m going to stick it out for a couple more months because I’m stubborn, and also because I’m pretty much right back where I started but with less effort, less chemicals, and I’m helping the environment. Not too bad right?

I’m pretty much right back where I started but with less effort, less chemicals, and I’m helping the environment.

If you want to know about how toxic many of the chemicals in shampoo are for your body, you can read about it for yourself. I did not elaborate on it myself because they are many other, more qualified sources. And if you are a fellow no-pooer, I would love advice on how you made this work for you!

Opinion Pieces

Can We Please Talk About Decision Fatigue?

Posted on September 1, 2017

I wake up every day around 6 with my kids. I dress them, I nurse the baby and make breakfast for my toddler, and then we pack up for the day. I take them to the park and on walks and to places like the aquarium. When I have downtime, I work, clean, meal prep, and do laundry. Yesterday I even made my own baby wipes. I’m not telling you all of this to complain, I’m telling you this to set the stage that I’m not a lazy person. (Although I do partially take my kids places because I’m lazy). But I digress…. So, if I can do all of these other things, why the hell would I rather lose an arm than clean out my junk drawer (okay, drawers…)? I did some research, and it’s because of a little thing called decision fatigue.

When I think back, I have always been indecisive. When I was a kid and my mom would make me a bagel, I would ask for half with cream cheese, a quarter with butter, and a quarter plain, because I just couldn’t decide which I wanted the most. I always look at the menu at restaurants for what seems like an eternity, no matter how many times I’ve been there. Even if it’s just McDonalds (if the McRib is not back, we all know what they have to offer.). I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

I have even googled “what should I watch on tv” because thinking about it and deciding is just too much work after a long day.

Making decisions for me feels stressful. Sometimes the decisions are important, so the stress is warranted. But when I get a stomach ache cleaning my junk drawer because I can’t decide what to do with a shoelace (which shoe did it come from?), 3 batteries (how do I know if they’re good or not? And if not good, how do I dispose of them?), and a button (which shirt did this come off of?), at least now I know I can blame decision fatigue.

I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all.

Do I kind of sound like a hoarder? I may have a tiny bit of hoarder tendencies too if I’m being honest, but that’s not my whole problem. I could probably get rid of 50% of the stuff in my closet if I could just bring myself to go through it and decide what to do with it all. What about this shirt? Does it fit? Will it fit someday? Do I want it? Can I donate it? Okay, if I donate it, now I have to wash it. When am I going to find time to do that on top of my regular laundry and other duties? I should just stick it back in the closet and deal with it another time. Do you see the problems this creates for me? Please feel free to rub your thumb and forefinger together and make a “world’s tiniest violin” joke at my expense.

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it.

I’m not saying decision fatigue is a clinical diagnosis or that I need to see a doctor for my horrible problem (although depending what kind of meds are offered, the kids have been driving me kinda crazy lately!…. Kidding! Sort of.), but it does give me a little bit of peace of mind knowing WHY I have such a hard time doing some of the things I know would improve my quality of life.

Having my life decluttered and my apartment clean makes me very happy, yet looking at my junk drawers and closet and thinking of sorting them gives me a visceral reaction and I avoid it. I was honestly starting to think I had depression (thank you Dr. Google!).

Yesterday I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and it was easy for me. Do you know why? I told myself it was because I love cooking and having the kitchen organized was more important to me than other rooms. But I was lying to myself. It was because everything I looked at had 3 options: Is it expired? Is it expired yet still usable? (I don’t care that my chicken bouillon expired a month ago to be honest. Okay, maybe it expired at the end of May.). Is it not expired and can be put back on the shelf? That’s it. This was so easy for me because there was almost no decision to be made. And now about 50% of my kitchen cupboards, as well as the fridge and freezer, are clean and organized and every time I pass the kitchen, I take a peek in them and feel good about myself.

I hate throwing away things that someone else could use.

If you are thinking to yourself, I am like this but so is everyone else, I have found out that NO, not everyone is! Both my boyfriend and my dad can sort through a junk drawer in minutes and probably throw out 90% of what was in there. Because either “we don’t need it” or “we probably don’t need it but can buy another one if we do.” But here’s my argument against that: I hate wasting! I hate throwing away things that someone else could use so if I have something I don’t need, maybe someone else DOES need it, and now I have more decisions to make about what to do next with it. And that’s hard for me.

Charcuterie plate

Before I had heard of decision fatigue, I already noticed things I have started to do in my life that make it so much easier for me and I didn’t realize what they all had in common. I LOVE lists, for one. I sometimes look at what we got from the grocery store and make lists of dinner options for us to choose from each night (and usually I’ll have Jason choose). Or I’ll do charcuterie because then I can have some of everything. I also plan out outfits for the girls the night before (but not mine because who cares what I wear). I’ve even heard Obama used to plan out his shirts and ties for a week! (No, I didn’t fact check this and I don’t know if it’s actually true so I’ll just roll with it #fakenews). But what do these things have in common?! Less decision making! I am starting to find out what works in SOME areas of my life but not all.

Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more.

So here’s what I’m asking of you, friends. Now that my kitchen cupboards are sorted and I know how good it feels, I need to do more. Our apartment is not that big to have all the crap we do but I will need some help sorting. Jason and I decided on Monday we will each coffee up (Yay Starbucks!) and get to work on at minimum the kitchen and bathroom and really really hoping to get to the closet too. I would love to hear advice from other people who suffer from decision fatigue on how you force yourself to sort through things without getting too burned out and stay organized once you are done. Thanks in advance!

Opinion Pieces

How to take your young kids to a restaurant and not have a terrible time

Posted on August 29, 2017

Going to restaurants with young kids is THE WORST. You have no idea how they will behave and whether or not you’re going to have to bolt at a moment’s notice. So we all know the obvious things like not to take them anywhere super fancy, expensive, really busy, etc., but in the past year or so with our toddler, we’ve been able to pinpoint a few other features of restaurants that make it more likely we will not end up with a thrashing child on the floor (again, no promises).

#1) Outside – Now I know this isn’t possible in all regions/seasons, but if you can find somewhere with outdoor seating, I highly recommend it. For some reason our toddler does A LOT better outside. I don’t know if it’s that there’s more to look at or she feels less enclosed, but her behavior is guaranteed to be better outside. Plus we don’t feel as bad when she inevitably spills or drops food on the ground. The bird will get it, right?

#2) Empty – There are a couple things that go along with empty. There is the obvious like off peak hours (2-4 pm – after lunch and before dinner), week day vs weekend, but what I really mean is choose an empty-ish restaurant. Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times? The one that might have roaches? That place is probably not very busy and you have a little more freedom with the kind of behavior you can allow there. Maybe your kid wants to stand next to the table and color instead of sitting, whatever. And if they do act up, there’s no one there to judge you. Bonus is that the old men who got there at 8 am to start drinking probably won’t judge if you want to have a bloody mary. Just sayin.

Do you know of a shitty bar/restaurant that you’ve passed by a thousand times? The one that might have roaches?

#3) . Bring EVERYTHING – I bring an entire giant bag of toys when we go to restaurants. My friends laugh and say I look like a bag lady. Does it suck to pack up 10,000 things? Yup. But you know what sucks more? Sitting down to have a meal at a restaurant and having to leave because your kid won’t behave. So seriously, pack everything your kid likes right now. Include a variety of different types of toys – electric vs not, different shapes/colors, etc., maybe a couple of things that are BRAND NEW or that they haven’t seen in a while. Better yet, keep a bag of toys set aside that you ONLY bring to restaurants so playing with them will be like a treat. (Keep an eye out for a future blog post about what I keep in my bag!)

“Please show me your finest table”

#4 Be choosy about where your table is – This is one of the biggest things that we consider when we are deciding where to eat. Even more important than food selection or price. What are the tables like at this place? Booths are better than tables because we can block our kid in. High backs are especially good. We also try for a table in the corner when we can, even if it means waiting an extra 20 minutes for a table, and more space between tables is a plus. You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons. Plus you want to be able to sit your giant bag-o-toys on the floor and not trip anyone.

You definitely want a table that is out of the way so if your kid gets up, they won’t be in the way of servers or other patrons.

#5) Don’t waste their “good” time before food arrives – This might mean different things to different parents depending on your kid, but this is what it means to me: When our toddler was young enough for a high chair, it meant keeping her out of it and occupied until our food came. Otherwise she would get bored of sitting in the high chair. Now it means maybe taking a short walk or doing a bathroom trip before the food comes, or saving that one super awesome toy for right when they set the plates down. Kids have short attention spans and burn out really easily. If you give them all their toys right when you arrive and make them sit the whole time, by the time your meal comes they won’t be able to sit still. (At least that’s how it is for us – any other parents out there have a wiggle worm?)

#6) Kids’ menus – Never underestimate the magic of kids’ menus. Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them. Assuming you aren’t going out to eat at the same place every day, kids’ menus are surprisingly effective and holding kids’ attention, much longer that you ever thought a single coloring sheet with 3 crayons could.

Those waxy crayons and that single sheet of paper bring so much joy to our toddler when we go places that have them.

#7) Let them splurge a little – Eating out is a treat, let your kid get something different. I would choose something you already know they like but either don’t keep in the house because it’s unhealthy or don’t make because it’s difficult. Let them get a Belgian waffle or french fries with a couple different dips. Show them that eating at a restaurant is a fun experience and not just a time for them to be stuck in a chair.

#8) Know when to throw in the towel – Sometimes a short walk will be all it takes to help your kid regroup and they will be good to go for the rest of the meal, sometimes you need to ask for a box and the check. If our kid is tired, no amount of toys or strategic seating or kids’ menus will make her behave at a restaurant. It sucks to have to walk out, but trying to stay and force it is worse. Not to mention it’s rude to other patrons. Sometimes you have to call it quits.

#9 There’s always Chuck E. Cheese – Seriously. I don’t know if you guys have been to a Chuck E. Cheese lately, but they have really stepped up their pizza game. The one by us is not the dark dingy place I remember (fondly) from my childhood. It’s clean and bright and the food is good. Plus there’s beer. I don’t know if they have all improved or if we got lucky having a newer one by us? I would suggest maybe reading the reviews of ones in your area before heading over just in case.

Opinion Pieces

11 things I wish someone had told me about breastfeeding

Posted on July 22, 2017

Isabelle’s first time breastfeeding

So you had your baby. You went to a billion doctor appointments at the end, when it was time to push (or operate) it seemed like the entire hospital staff was in the room with you, and someone has probably talked to you about everything from how to care for the umbilical cord to post-partum depression. You feel prepared. And then you start breastfeeding. Where’s your support now? You may have access to a lactation consultant at the hospital but not everyone has access after they leave, or may not be covered by insurance. Here are the things I wish someone had told me about breastfeeding.

And then you start breastfeeding. Where’s your support now?

Pain: It hurts at the beginning. At least it did for me. I saw 5 lactation consultants with Katie and they all said her latch was great and that it shouldn’t hurt. Guess what? It did. Badly. To the point where every time she woke up crying to eat, I started crying too because I didn’t want to feed her. With a vaginal birth and a c section under my belt, the only pain I ever said was a 10 was nipple pain around day 2 or 3 and gradually got better until it was around a 4 or 5 after a week. It was the same with Isabelle even though her latch was slightly different. I imagine all of this was made worse by the fact that I was in pain from everything else and also adjusting to a new baby, but I felt incredibly unprepared for this level of pain. It made sticking with breastfeeding incredibly difficult and if it were not for the encouraging support of my partner, I probably wouldn’t have stuck with it.

I saw 5 lactation consultants with Katie and they all said her latch was great and that it shouldn’t hurt. Guess what? It did.

Your boobs get giant and hard as rocks when your milk comes in. If you have tiny boobs, you may appreciate your new size. If you have big boobs to start, they may become giant and heavy and veiny and I don’t want to say gross because it’s beautiful that they feed babies and that’s beautiful and blah blah blah, but I felt like mine looked pretty gross. My boyfriend described the feel of them as a sock filled with crushed ice. And they hurt when they’re engorged and they leak everywhere and if you squeeze them, they squirt super far like a squirt gun. Of course you will squirt your partner at least once on purpose because it’s hilarious. And then after a week or so everything in your life is just covered in breast milk but you don’t really notice anymore.

Of course you will squirt your partner at least once on purpose because it’s hilarious.

Feeding after the engorgement started

Engorgement: So back to your new engorged boobs. You supposedly can relieve the pressure by squeezing out some of your milk in the shower . That was never enough for me. When my milk came in with Katie, I sent Jason to the store to buy an electric pump. Meanwhile, my boobs were so full K couldn’t latch (imagine trying to put your mouth on a beach ball – not happening) and I couldn’t get enough milk out with my hands. The electric pumps are expensive but if you plan on using it every day, it’s a worthwhile investment. I bought a double pump that is also hands free and used every day with K and now am using every day with Isabelle. If you are pumping for engorgement, you are only supposed to pump enough to be comfortable as any more than that will increase your supply and tell your body to make more milk. I never had the problem of having an oversupply from pumping but this is what I’ve heard. At this point I am pumping to make bottles though.

My boobs were so full K couldn’t latch – imagine trying to put your mouth on a beach ball.

Middle of the night pumping

Pumping: it’s not easy. Like the hugest pain in the ass trying to fit it in. I only pump once a day at this point to make a bottle for Jason to feed Belles in the evening, and finding time to pump is the most difficult part of my day. I can only do it while Belles is asleep and half the time she wakes up 5 minutes in. This is where you decide what kind of mom you are. You can’t really pick up the baby while you pump so you can either pull off your pump to pick your baby and hope you can find time to resume later, or you shake toys in front of your baby while they cry and tell yourself they’ll be fine if they cry for a few minutes. I generally chose the latter and here’s why: If I have a bottle pumped for Belles and I can get some sleep while Jason watches her, I will be better rested and have more patience and can be a better mom. You can’t pour from a cup that’s empty.

You can’t pour from a cup that’s empty.

There is also a whole lot you can’t do while pumping. I have a hands free electric pump, which is great. I can play on my phone, I can do a few dishes, I can fold clothes on the table. But your movement is restricted. If you bend over, milk spills out, so no picking up. If you lean back, milk splashes back on you, so you can’t really relax. It’s one of those things that may look like you’re taking a break (your partner may even comment on this “break” you’re getting), but you really aren’t. Not to mention you’re being milked while all of this is going on.

If you bend over, milk spills out, so no picking up. If you lean back, milk splashes back on you, so you can’t really relax.

Thrush: Your nipples are cracked and bleeding so you’re using lanolin on them and your breast pads are wet from leaking half the time. This is the perfect recipe for you to get thrush. Thrush is like a yeast infection that you can have on your nipples and the baby can have in their mouth. And because the baby’s mouth is always on your nipples, you end up passing it back and forth a lot. And it hurts like hell. Katie and I both got it and we called her doctor. They said I had to bring her in so they could check the inside of her mouth for white spots, so I did, and they prescribed her with an oral medication after confirming she had it. “But what about me?” “You can put this on your nipples too.” That didn’t add up to me. This was an oral medication…. “Oh and to prevent reinfection, you need to wash your nipples before and after every feeding and then apply the medicine.” Are you effing kidding me? All this child does is nurse.

To prevent reinfection, you need to wash your nipples before and after every feeding and then apply the medicine.

After a few days things weren’t getting better. My nipples were now sticking to my breast pads and they still stung badly every feeding. So now I have to make an appointment with my doctor. After a very “Who’s on first” type conversation about who treats who, my doctor talks to her supervisor who comes back to talk to me. They agreed to give me medication that is normally used to treat yeast infections, but had to give me a disclaimer that it was not FDA approved for this use. But it should work. A few days after starting my medicine and with Katie taking her medicine, which is about 10 days after this all started, both of us are starting to clear the thrush.

What to wear: You are super psyched to be out of maternity clothes. Guess what? If you are nursing and want it to be easy for you while you’re out and about, you need to wear things with easy access to your boobs. Some people are okay with lifting their entire shirt, pulling a boob out of their bra, and flashing both boob and tummy to the world. I am not a fan of this and prefer shirts where I can pull a boob out easily. This means t-shirts or anything with a high neck is out, and boobalicious shirts are in. Which brings me to my next point.

This means t-shirts or anything with a high neck is out, and boobalicious shirts are in.

K touching Belles while she’s nursing

Modesty: If you had any sense of modesty left after your pregnancy, it will be gone when you start nursing. Whether you choose to feed out in the open, choose to use a cover, or choose to go into a private room, just the fact that your boobs are out so often and you are using them for their actual intended use creates a shift in how you view boobs. You forget most of the rest of the US still views boobs as sex objects. I’m not here to debate whether or not that’s so wrong of society, I’m just saying that you might find yourself walking around in a super boobalicious shirt for functional reasons and not realize people are drooling over your new giant rack or may be offended by it.

You might find yourself walking around in a super boobalicious shirt for functional reasons and not realize people are drooling over your new giant rack.

Judgement: You’re breastfeeding in public? Gross. You’re supplementing with formula? You don’t love your baby enough. You introduced a bottle or pacifier before 3 weeks? Get ready for nipple confusion. Everyone will have an opinion on everything you do. Don’t stress, you can’t please everybody.

“I think she’s hungry!” You just fed the baby, passed her off to a partner/friend/family member, put your boobs away, and started to relax for a second. The baby whimpers and your baby holder says “I think she’s still hungry.” “She’s not fucking hungry!!” My partner and I had this argument constantly with K and are having it again with Belles. There is something about being the only food source that makes this offensive to you. You know your baby best, you know when they need to eat and when they are full, and you know that sometimes babies cry for reasons other than hunger. It shouldn’t bother me so much, but it does. Hopefully you will be different.

How big of bottles? NO ONE KNOWS. This was one of the biggest shocks to me as a breastfeeding mom. Because there’s no way to know exactly how much breast milk your baby takes at each feeding, there’s no way to know how big of a bottle to give them. You can look at what other moms say on forums and blogs, look at how much formula moms give their same age or same weight formula-fed babies, but it really comes down to trial and error. Don’t worry, if you overfeed a little you’ll only deal with an insane amount of projectile vomiting.

Don’t worry, if you overfeed a little you’ll only deal with an insane amount of projectile vomiting.

Food sensitivities/foremilk-hindmik/colic/constipation/reflux: But wait, there’s more trial and error fun! You baby is spitting up or constipated or colicky and you are breastfeeding. You may feel a little responsible because you are their food source. It’s hard. You can read about all of these things until your head explodes, but this really comes down to more trial and error. You can try eliminating certain foods from your diet, drinking more water, letting baby finish one side before switching to the next to get enough hindmilk… I don’t have all the answers. K’s colic was mostly due to constipation and what helped us was introducing water. We gave a half ounce in the morning and half at night and we are currently giving Isabelle an ounce a day broken up into thirds. This was at the advice of our nurse and after trying suppositories and food eliminations and everything else. Talk with your doctor and don’t get discouraged if it takes a while to get things straightened out.

K’s colic was mostly due to constipation and what helped us was introducing water.

Breastfeeding K around one year old

It’s so easy! Once you get all the kinks worked out, it becomes second nature. You can breastfeed with one arm while picking up your house, you can cosleep topless and your kid can help themselves while you half sleep through the feeding, you can go places without having to pack anything but your boobs and some diapers… it’s worth sticking with it. I’m not saying breastfeeding is for everyone. I respect every mom’s choice to feed their kid in the way that works for them. But if you are a mom who wants to breastfeed and you encounter some bumps in the road, you will not regret pushing through and sticking with it.

Opinion Pieces

Tomorrow, I’ll be a better mom

Posted on July 3, 2017

Does this sound familiar to anyone? “Please don’t do that. Honey, could you stop doing that? How about we play with this instead? KNOCK IT OFF!!!!” That’s how I sound most days. I really really try to be patient with my 2 year old, especially now that we have a new baby, but it’s So. Hard. I feel like a broken record nicely saying over and over not to do something or what she could do instead, and then I run out of patience and end up snapping at her.

“Please don’t do that. Honey, could you stop doing that? How about we play with this instead? KNOCK IT OFF!!!!”

A battle we chose not to fight. Some teens walking by gave her this blow up cactus and we let her keep it for a while. It made her happy.

I don’t like raising my voice. I rarely used to do it before I had kids, and now I feel like I’m doing it all the time. Not like I’m losing my temper, but it seems to get my kid’s attention after the first thousand times. I try saying it nicely, having a conversation, all the “good” ways of doing it, and nothing seems to work. (And it’s not like hitting is still an option, amirite?) But living like this exhausts me. At the end of the day I feel so drained. And I know they say pick your battles, but 80% of the battles with my toddler NEED to be fought. Jumping on/off furniture, poking/prodding her baby sister, harassing the cats…. It’s not like I lose it because she wants to wear her pj’s to school. I SWEAR I am already picking my battles, and these ones need to be fought.

I know they say pick your battles, but 80% of the battles with my toddler NEED to be fought.

Notice I said fought. That’s how I feel at times. Like I’m always FIGHTING with her. Fighting to get her dressed, fighting to change her diaper, fighting get her to stop jumping on the couch, fighting to get her to eat… well, anything some days. Every night after she goes to bed and I mentally review my day, I feel guilty. I feel like I scolded too much or I’m going to ruin her self-esteem by always saying no. And I vow the next day, I will do better. I will BE better.

Every night after she goes to bed and I mentally review my day, I feel guilty.

And the next day comes and I start out refreshed and ready to take on day and shortly, we’re in the same boat we were in the day before. Like we just woke up and already my kid is jumping off the table onto the couch, quite possibly while the baby is on the next cushion over, and I’m about to pull my hair out. I know part of this is part of dealing with a toddler, and I accept that. There will be challenges. I also know part of this is my kid’s personality: she’s what you would call “a handful.” But I also know that there are some parents who seem to manage their kids much better than I do, surely one of them has a strong willed-child as well, right?

She’s what you would call “a handful.”

So last night I realized that all these other nights I have vowed to be better, I didn’t have the tools. But I wasn’t looking for them either. So I picked up a copy of “The Happiest Toddler on the Block.” (This is not a sponsored post – I just already had a copy of this book someone gifted me but haven’t made a point to read it yet and I figured it was a good place to start.) I only read the first chapter, but I plan on reading a little more every night until I finish it, and then maybe try another book on relating to toddlers, or even a class in my area. Any other time I struggle with something, I do research, I read books, I ask other people what they do, why should parenting be any different? I HAVE to believe there’s a better way. I know some days will still be hard, but I have to try something different, because doing what I’m doing is just not working. So what about you? Do you have trouble getting your kids to listen? What has worked for you?

Opinion Pieces

I take my kids outside because I’m lazy

Posted on June 10, 2017

I take my kids all types of places with me. I get a ton of compliments on it too. “Good for you for doing all this stuff with your kids! It’s a lot of work!” You know what? It IS a lot of work. Packing up while one is screaming and the other is asking for every toy/clothes item/food that I put into our bag; getting the carseat, stroller, and diapers for everyone; making sure both kids are fed and changed and ready at the same time… But you know what’s harder for me? Being inside all day with 2 kids who are bored. It’s so much easier for me to deal with them outside and here’s why:

Outside is entertaining. There’s so much to do and touch and look at! This means that I’m not always having to entertain them which is less mental work for me. Plus if the kids are busy, I get a few moments alone to be with my thoughts. I still have to tend to them physically, but I get somewhat of a mental break.
Outside wears them out. This means better naps. And everyone likes better naps.
Katie climbing on the playground
Outside diffuses the noise. Yelling, crying, whining, all of this noise kind of floats away. Inside the noise echoes around and slowly drives me crazy. I don’t know how I would have dealt with K’s colic if I couldn’t bring her outside. Not to mention that there is less crying to diffuse when we’re outside because there’s so much to look at. (See number 1)
Outside is different. A new bug, a new flower, new clouds… it’s all new and different. And different is fun for kids. Plus plenty of learning opportunities.
Outside gives them a chance to miss their toys. No matter how many toys your kid has, they’ll get bored with them if they are with them day after day. Spending some time away from their toys helps kids appreciate them more when they get home.
You can squeeze in your own exercise. Walking, jogging, chasing your kid around the park… You get all the benefits of 1-5 plus a bonus for yourself. Because exercise is hard to fit in when you’re a mom!

So there you go. Next time you are feeling a little crazy after too many days stuck inside with the kids, pack up and head out for a few hours. It’s totally worth it.

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