Browsing Category

Opinion Pieces

Online and In-Person Mental Health and Wellness Resources

Posted on October 11, 2022

It’s been a rough year, and I think I speak for a lot of us when I say there’s been an increase in anxiety and depression. Being trapped at home, being isolated, worrying about the safety of your friends and family, trying to keep a business afloat, working from home or losing jobs, or worrying about losing jobs, being home with the kids or worrying about the kids safety if they still went to daycare… We’ve all had a lot on our plates.

I’ve leaned on a lot of resources this past year and luckily, Long Beach has so many helpful wellness resources. In honor of World Mental Health Day, I wanted to share these resources with all of you.

Online Resources

Affordable Tele-therapy without Insurance (Individual, Couples, Family)

Open Path offers teletherapy without insurance, and out of pocket costs start around $35. You can browse different therapists to find one that suits your needs and then connect with them via email to schedule appointments.

Website: https://openpathcollective.org/

Telehealth Psychiatrist/Doctor Visits

Circle Medical offers Telehealth psychiatrist appointments to treat depression, anxiety, and adult ADHD. They also have Telehealth dr appointments for regular wellness checkups and treatment for issues such as STDs/STIs. Circle Medical is currently only offered for California residents.

Website: https://www.circlemedical.com/

Free Crisis Text Line: If you need to talk but aren’t comfortable talking on the phone

If you need someone to talk to ASAP but don’t want to actually talk on the phone, this crisis hotline is a great resource. You can text the word HOME to 741741, or visit the website I linked below. This hotline is great because it’s not only for suicide, it’s for anyone who is struggling. You’ll be linked with a real person and your conversation is confidential.

Website: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Life Coaching: Cassandra Vitale

Cassandra is a Long Beach local whom I met through a mutual friend. On Mother’s Day this year, I decided to gift myself her 8 week course called Activate Your Love. It helped me immensely with communication within my family as well as outside of it, and also helped me recognize patterns of behavior that weren’t helpful for me. This course changed my life in a huge way.

Website: https://www.cassandravitale.com/activateyourlove

Online and In-Person Resources

Parent Coaching: Mary Van Geffen

Being home with the kids 24/7 during the pandemic was incredibly stressful. Jason and I both had to juggle work and parenting, and we had no childcare and no breaks. It was hard to stay patient with the kids when we were trying to do so many other things. Sessions with Mary gave me a lot of tools for remaining patient as well as tools to deal with sibling conflicts and other parenting issues. I highly recommend following her ig because she offers a lot of knowledge for kids of all ages.

Website: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen/

Physical Therapy: Dr Q

Dr Q is primarily a women’s health physical therapist, but she is so much more than that. I started seeing her following a surgery for endometriosis and to remove scar tissue from my c section, but the tools I learned seeing her made a big impact on my physical and mental health. I learned to recognize new feelings in my body such as when I was tensing up without realizing, or forgetting to take deep breaths. If you have had kids, have a vagina, or you are someone who pees (men too!), you can benefit from Dr Q. What I’m saying here is that literally everyone can benefit from seeing her. She offers telehealth appointments but if you go in-person, her office also offers pilates as a form of physical therapy and it’s amazing and covered by most insurances! Win!

Website: https://www.instagram.com/drq_dpt/

In-Person Resources in Long Beach

Sohma: Acupunture, Chiropractor, Sports Medicine

I have been going here regularly for acupuncture, chiropractor, and Chinese medicine supplements for the past couple years, and it’s done wonders for my anxiety. They also offer massage and sports medicine. All of these treatments are great for mild ailments to help you avoid medication, or in conjunction with your current treatments.

Website: https://www.sohma.org/

Hotel Maya

I would not have gotten through the last year with my sanity and my job if I hadn’t been able to take advantage of the Hotel Maya’s day rates. Getting away for 9 hours to catch up on work and decompress has been a lifesaver. Their day rates include access to amenities such as the pool and hot tub as well, so it doesn’t have to be all work and no play!

Website: https://www.hotelmayalongbeach.com/special-offers

Sun Elite Wellness Pod

Sometimes you just want to relax your mind and body but you don’t have a lot of time on your hands. Sun Elite has an amazing Wellness Pod called the Cocoon and it uses a combination of infrared heat, dry heat, and vibrating massage. You get into the Cocoon for a 15 minute session and your body is enveloped while you head sticks out and there’s a cooling fan for your face. It’s incredibly relaxing and it’s good for detoxing and soothing sore muscles too.

Website: https://sunelitetan.com/elite-wellness

The Salt Lounge

The Salt Lounge has a salt room that features 550 lbs of crystal infused Himalayan pink salt. It’s a great place to relax and rejuvenate, and you can go in alone or with a partner or friend. The salt is so soothing to touch and the room smells amazing. It feels like being lost in your own world, but in a good way. They also offer crystal light therapy and reiki.

Website: https://www.thesaltloungelb.com/

Affordable Therapy without insurance ($15/session)

I have not personally utilized this resource because they only offer in-person sessions and it’s hard for me to get a sitter, but I wanted to share it because it’s an affordable option compared to regular therapy rates. They offer individual counseling, couples counseling, and family counseling.

Website: https://www.csulb.edu/college-of-education/community-clinic-for-counseling-and-educational-services

Solo Vacation

This is something I’m embarking on this week for the first time. I’ll be staying in a glamping trailer for 3 nights and giving myself the opportunity to hike, read, meditate, and recharge. This will be the longest I’ve ever been away from my kids since they were born, and it’s much needed! Since the shutdown, the kids have spent a lot more time at home and Jason also began working from home, and I’ve really been craving a break. I’m excited about this opportunity and will share more about it when I return. The location I’ve chosen is only about 90 minutes from Long Beach and I’m linking it below in case anyone wants to schedule their own relaxing retreat!

Website: https://www.houfy.com/lodging/tiny-tiki-retro-hideaway-1-hour-from-los-angeles/6356

Opinion Pieces

Working from Home and Parenting in a Pandemic: The Toll on my Mental Health

Posted on February 27, 2021

Stephanie Gardner @parentdaze Long Beach parenting pandemic mental health

Another trip around the sun!

Usually, I love to spend my birthday reflecting positively on the previous year, but this year I’m more than ready to leave the past behind me. On paper, this year looks like a win for me.

On paper, this year looks like a win for me.

I took on multiple new clients and I learned so much. I made more money than I’ve ever made in my life. I got my finances in order and I fixed my credit (780 credit score now, Woo!) I spent some time with a parent coach to learn to communicate better with my kids, and I spent some personal time working on improving my communication with Jason.

But the reality of this past year was dark for me.

My mental health took a big hit, and spending every second with the kids made work difficult. There were times I pulled all-nighters just to meet deadlines because night time was the only time I got a break, but the result was even harder on my mental health. I think I’ve cried more this past year than I ever have, and the most difficult part was not knowing when there would be light at the end of the tunnel.

I think I’ve cried more this past year than I ever have

I’ve learned just how much my mental health hinges upon having regular breaks from the kids. But this year left many moms in the lurches. I’m not talking about this to bum everybody out (though I know I’m succeeding lol). And I also understand the necessity of keeping everyone safe. But I’m talking about it because sometimes there’s solace in knowing you aren’t alone.

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Right now, Katie is in school a few hours a day, Isabelle just started preschool for 2 half days a week, I’m still working at the Hotel Maya a few days a month (btw their day rates are AMAZING and come with a margarita!), and I’m starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m feeling hope for the first time in a long time, and I’m ready to start feeling like myself again.

I’m feeling hope for the first time in a long time.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re struggling. I know it’s been a hard year for all of us, and I’ve leaned on a lot of people. I want to pass on the hope that others have given me this year when I’ve been down. So, cheers to the next year. It can only up, right?

Opinion Pieces

How White People Can Be an Ally to the Black Lives Matter Movement

Posted on September 6, 2020

Mixed race family Black Lives Matter talking to kids about race @parentdaze long beach

Wondering how to be an ally to the Black Lives Matter movement?

1) Educate yourself. Blackout Tuesday was not an opportunity to post and sign off. It was (and still is) our chance to listen. If you don’t understand why black people are angry, start with a google search and keep digging! Today I learned that the median income for black households is 41k, vs 71k for white households. This is only one of the many statistics that demonstrate the institutionalized racism that our country was founded upon.

If you don’t understand why black people are angry, start with a google search and keep digging

2) Donate. I’m not suggesting this in lieu of educating yourself, but if you’re in a position to donate, please do so. @blklivesmatter and @naacp_ldf are both great organizations to donate to.

3) Use your voice. In the words of @mrsbrittanyhennessy to influencers, “You cannot turn up for #sponcon but stay silent when people are being murdered by the government. Your grid will be fine.” This week, I emailed all of the brands I’m currently working with and let them know I would not be posting sponsored content this week or next week. If we turn down the sponcon on our newsfeeds, we can help #AmplifyMelanatedVoices that we need to be listening to right now.

Talk to your kids about race and racism.

4) Talk to your kids about race and racism. Kids are the voices of the next generation. We started this conversation early because the kids noticed “daddy is brown and mommy is yellow.” (We’re teaching them more appropriate ways to say this…) I plan on posting more soon about having age-appropriate race discussions, but for now I’m just going to suggest a couple things we can do like choosing shows with ethnically diverse characters, choosing dolls/action figures of different races, and discussing how we all look different but we are equally important

Don’t worry about “showing up late” to the movement.

5) Don’t worry about “showing up late” to the movement. It’s not a competition and more voices bring more awareness. Thanks @drq_dpt for bringing this up because I would not have thought to share this one otherwise.

I understand that I will never understand, but I will stand with you.

Please feel free to add any more in the comments. And if anything I’ve said is not politically correct, please feel free to let me know that also. I’m still learning. I understand that I will never understand, but I will stand with you.

Opinion Pieces

12 things I wish I knew in my 20s, and why I’ll never have 6 pack abs (but I don’t care)

Posted on February 27, 2020

@parentdaze selfcare health wellness long beach @explorelongbeach

Self-care, amirite?

It’s the hot new buzzword that has somehow become synonymous with mani-pedis and facemasks as a way to put you on the path to health and wellness.

Something I’ve learned this year is that real self-care isn’t skipping cleaning your house to do a girls’ brunch. The real self-care is the messy shit. It’s making time to be alone with your thoughts at a time when you want to the least. It’s eliminating toxic habits and relationships from your life. It’s having an emotional meltdown that somehow helps you figure out a new path to becoming your best self.

The real self-care is the messy shit.

I’ve done a lot of work over the past year, and found some new habits that have really enhanced my well-being. And I find myself thinking, I really wish I knew this in my 20s. And so, I’m sharing those things here:

1) Stop listening to what society says is healthy.

Guess what? I hate kale. I think it tastes like dirt, and I’ll probably never make a habit of eating it. I also refuse to replace noodles with some sort of vegetable noodles (Please stop telling me once you put the sauce on, spaghetti squash tastes the exact same as real noodles. It doesn’t.) I also keep meaning to make time for yoga, but I just don’t like it that much. Maybe someday.

I’ve spent too much time worrying about what I *should* do

But for now, I have plenty of healthy habits that work for my life. I love a huge spinach salad with feta and strawberries, I love jogging, and I make time to meditate as often as I can (I know, if I added in some stretches with the meditation, it would basically be yoga… I might get there, I might not.) But the point is, I’ve spent too much time worrying about what I *should* do and then feeling guilty when I’m not doing those things. I’m perfectly capable of picking healthy habits that work for me and that I enjoy.

2) Wasting time is okay, as long as you’re aware that you’re doing it.

Becoming aware of my time wasting has had such a positive impact on my life. How do I determine what’s “a waste” and what isn’t? For me, wasting time is doing things that have no positive impact on my life and that I don’t feel good after doing. This doesn’t mean setting aside time to read or watch TV or go on a walk. It means when I absentmindedly open facebook and scroll through my newsfeed for an hour, or when I open my web browser and see a news article that interests me and 30 minutes later I’m reading about a dispute between one of the Kardashians and their current love interest.

Am I okay with wasting this time? Is it keeping me from anything I should be doing instead?

I’m not saying I never do these things anymore, but I try to be aware that I’m doing them. “Am I okay with wasting this time? Is it keeping me from anything I should be doing instead? Am I going to be mad at myself when this period of free time is over and I didn’t do anything that makes me feel good?” Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not. But being aware has been helpful for me to make conscious choices.

3) Decide what HAS to get done and what can wait.

I used to have a bad habit of creating a never ending to-do list every morning. I would start writing down tasks for the day like work deadlines and any appointments I had to go to, and all of a sudden I was adding things like “go through the kids’ clothes” and “organize the closets.” Clearly these tasks are not getting done today.

I realized that actually MOST of my to-do list wasn’t even necessary.

I realized that actually MOST of my to-do list wasn’t even necessary. Yes, I do have a handful of things I need to do each day, and I try to add in a couple small extra tasks to work on if I have time. If I don’t have time, or I’m absolutely tapped out and need to take 20 minutes to go on a walk instead, I put those tasks on another day’s list when I have less going on.

4) Taking breaks makes you more productive.

This used to be my biggest productivity block. I would get so frantic trying to get everything done that I was skipping meals, skipping workouts, and just never taking breaks or time for myself. I felt cranky and burned out all the time. I thought I was too busy, and I felt guilty to leave this massive workload undone while going on a walk or taking 20 minutes to eat lunch. But taking those breaks has enabled me to do twice as much work in the same amount of time.

I was skipping meals, skipping workouts, and just never taking breaks or time for myself.

You know the analogies “put on your oxygen mask first” or you can’t pour from an empty cup?” I know, I used to roll my eyes at them too. And now I’m learning how true it is, and wishing I had listened sooner.

5) Stop beating yourself up when things don’t get done.

Sometimes there just isn’t enough time. Even after setting a reasonable to-do list and taking breaks and doing everything “right.” It happens. In this case, I need to regroup, figure out why I didn’t get things done, and try better next time. Maybe I overextended myself, maybe something came up. Whatever it is, I can learn from it, but life will go on.

6) When you feel like you’re at your worst, things can only go up.

This is a hard one, and no one believes it when they feel like they’re at rock bottom. (I also don’t suggest telling people this while they’re struggling because it doesn’t help and kind of makes you look like a jerk.) For me, I’m fortunate that I’ve never had a true rock bottom, but I’ve had sadness like we all have. Most of my problems have been pretty light compared to the suffering that some others have gone through. Nonetheless, I’ve had times in my life that I felt like my world was crashing down. When I drove out to California from Michigan, my uhaul trailer was stolen and I lost everything I owned. I was devastated at the time, but now I look at all the material goods I have managed to acquire since then. I have everything I need in life, and nothing is truly irreplaceable.

I have everything I need in life, and nothing is truly irreplaceable.

Several years later, I learned what real pain was when I lost a pregnancy. I felt so silly looking back and thinking about how worried I was about my stuff, when there I was with too much stuff and all I wanted was the baby that I lost. Again, looking back, if I hadn’t lost that pregnancy, I wouldn’t have Isabelle. It’s not always clear at the time if things will get better, but they will. Some struggles will make you look at previous struggles and you’ll laugh at how insignificant they were. Other struggles will truly change you as a person, and break your soul in half. The only upside of feeling broken is that you can rebuild from the ashes, when the time is right.

7) Decide how much money you need to be happy.

This number is different for everybody. Decide how much you need for bills, for savings, for emergencies, for fun spending money, etc. There is a delicate balance between having enough money and having enough free time. Lately there has been a culture of “do what you love” and “you can’t take it with you” in the media. I do agree… to an extent. While I don’t think it’s healthy to kill yourself for a job and miss out on life along the way, I also don’t think it’s wise for everybody to quit their jobs to teach surfing 2 days a week so they can spend their lives “living.”

Everything has a value

And realize that everything has a value in the workplace. Is the extra 1 hour/day worth it for you if you take the job with no commute, or is the extra $10k the farther job offers what will make you truly happy? This is something that’s different for all of us, but worth considering.

8) Be choosy about how you spend your fun money.

I started to realize that I was spending on things that didn’t really make me happy. For the price of a couple Starbucks coffees a month, I can get a massage and I feel good for the rest of the week. I can skip one dinner out and get a couple new houseplants and some throw pillows to make my reading space cozier, and then I enjoy it every time I sit there. I still get Starbucks sometimes, and I love date nights and girls’ nights, but spending is another thing I try to do with purpose, and after evaluating if it’s what makes me my happiest self.

9) Stop living like “tomorrow isn’t promised.”

This is another one of those issues that is really popular in the media right now. And it’s not entirely wrong. Tomorrow ISN’T promised. And I absolutely agree that we should make a point to enjoy life. But, it also doesn’t mean we can spend every moment enjoying life. I was noticing how guilty I would feel when I wasn’t “in the moment,” but it isn’t practical to live like that all the time.

I don’t stare at my kids thinking of how #blessed I am the whole time either.

I absolutely love spending couple time with Jason, but sometimes we’re both just tired. It’s okay for us to spend some evenings together chatting but on other nights, maybe I want to read and he wants to do something on his computer. Nobody can spend every evening holding their spouse’s face in their hands and talking about how much they love each other. That’s crazy. The same is true with kids. Sometimes I sit on the floor and read to them and we build with toys. Once or twice a month I also have nights where I’m just tapped out and I make them a lazy dinner and let them watch a movie while they eat. And I don’t stare at them thinking of how #blessed I am the whole time either. Yes, it’s important to look around at the world and appreciate what we have, but it’s also okay to zone out sometimes. Nobody can be “on” all the time.

10) Re-evaluate your goals and decide if the cost is worth it.

I used to think that someday I’d have a 6 pack. But lately I’ve realized that my stomach is where I store my fat, and it’s the last place I lose it. If I want to get my body fat low enough to have a 6 pack, that means giving up pizza, beer, and pretty much every other indulgence. I don’t eat these foods every day, but I do like to splurge sometimes and I don’t feel like having visible abs would bring as much joy to my life as these occasionally pizza and beer nights do.

Personally, I think I look better with a little bit of fluff, and I definitely feel better.

Not to mention, I don’t like how the rest of my body looks and feels when my body fat gets low enough to have a flat stomach. Personally, I think I look better with a little bit of fluff, and I definitely feel better. So, I’m eliminating 6 pack abs as one of my goals. Sorry, not sorry.

11) If you think something is wrong, be your own advocate.

I had a surgery last year for endometriosis and while my physical health was much better after, I was still having issues like hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings that made me feel like I was in the first trimester of pregnancy. My OB tested me for menopause 3 times and every time he came back and said well, it’s not menopause. At this point I started seeing a chiropractor who also specializes in functional medicine.

Normal estrodiol (a form of estrogen) levels are between 0-160, mine was over 600.

She ran a blood panel and found out that while normal estrodiol (a form of estrogen) levels are between 0-160, mine was over 600. I was so relieved to finally know what was going on, and proud that I fought for myself. I knew something was wrong and it was frustrating to have spent so much time not feeling like myself. This leads me to my next point…

12) Give natural remedies a shot.

Let me start by saying I’m very pro-medicine. I had the surgery to remove endometriosis first, and I have already spent 10 years of my life on medicine to regulate hormones. I don’t like the physical or mental side effects of hormone supplements and I wanted to try something else. This was all a very long process. I was getting chiropractic adjustments and taking supplements to help with gut health. I changed to a healthier diet, I eliminated almost all soy, dairy, and food dyes. I try to eat mostly organic (when it works with my budget…)

I was having horrible mood swings that were affecting my relationship with Jason and I felt like I was always cranky with the kids.

The hot flashes and night sweats got better, but I was still having horrible mood swings that were affecting my relationship with Jason and I felt like I was always cranky with the kids. At this point, I started seeing an acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist. Going through all of this was difficult emotionally and financially. On one hand, I felt shitty all the time and it sucked. I just wanted to feel better. On the other hand, none of this stuff was covered by insurance. Just the blood work I did to find out how high my estrodiol was cost us $450 of out pocket. Adjustments, acupuncture, supplements, and herbs added hundreds more. Jason asked me a few times, what makes you think this next thing will work? I am so grateful for his support this past year, and I’m fortunate that we had the means for me to try all of these things while I figured out what worked. Now I am honestly feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life. I cringe when I look back at how I used to feel every single day. I honestly can’t believe I lived my life that way. And it’s not that I wake up every day with unicorns and rainbows in my eyes like some kind of Disney princess, but I can handle stress and be reasonable and enjoy life most of the time. And I think that makes life pretty great.

Opinion Pieces

DIY Pinterest-Worthy Valentine’s Day Tree using $20 of Dollar Tree decorations!

Posted on February 11, 2020

Have you ever heard of a Valentine’s Day Tree?

I swear I didn’t make it up! I’m guessing it started with someone who, like me, was always bummed at how naked the house looked after taking down all the Christmas decorations in January. It still gets dark super early and it’s cold, and the lights make everything feel warmer! And I’m also guessing this genius VDay Tree trendsetter is a procrastinator on taking down decorations anyways…. like me. So, the VDay tree was a perfect fit! I’m trendy while embracing my lazy side! But don’t worry, I promise it ends with the VDay Tree, so don’t be expecting a St Patrick’s Day Tree and then an Easter tree (although some people do that too!)

I’m trendy while embracing my lazy side!

$40 Christmas Tree I got on Amazon

Anyways, initially I thought this project would be a super expensive. The VDay trees I saw on Pinterest were all really elaborate and I didn’t feel like I had the budget to pull it off. So I headed to my local Dollar Tree to see what I could find and was impressed with the selection of Valentine’s decorations that looked to be decent quality. (I was worried it would be cheap looking if I didn’t get a few nice looking pieces!)

I was worried it would be cheap looking if I didn’t get a few nice looking pieces!

Because I wasn’t looking to spend a lot, I wanted bigger pieces that would cover up some of the holes in the tree. It’s not the fullest tree, but I can hardly complain when it was only $40 on amazon… I went for the balloons and flower bouquets first. They were large and also easy to just stick in the tree without much thought on placement. I would have gotten more balloons, but I had a feeling that they wouldn’t last long with the kids…

I wanted bigger pieces that would cover up some of the holes in the tree.

Next I wanted something to go on top.

I looked a few other decorations that were good in theory, but a lot of them had too much of a metallic tint and that didn’t really go with the bouquets I chose, plus I felt like they looked cheap. In the end, this LOVE heart was the best choice, and I also got a second one to hang on our front door. Easy peasy.

I needed something else to fill up space but I didn’t want to get many more bouquets at $1 each

I needed something else to fill up space but I didn’t want to get many more bouquets at $1 each, so I found these paper-y/felt-y hearts. They came in packs of 8 in white, red, and pink, and I got 2 of them. They were easy to attach some ornament hangers to (which I already had at home) and then put them in the decoration gaps on the tree.

I cut each spool into 2 foot strands and wove them in random places throughout the tree.

Lastly, I got some spools of a sheer ribbon-y fabric (and forgot to take a pic of them.…) I didn’t realize they were sheer when I bought them, but I still think they turned out okay. I cut each spool into 2 foot strands and wove them in random places throughout the tree. I thought these looked cute when I first placed them, but the kids messed with them a lot so next year, I might skip these and invest in a few more bouquets or balloons.

It cost about $20 and I’m pretty happy with how the tree turned out considering the low investment.

Realizing the area underneath the tree needed a skirt, I grabbed a couple scarves with hearts on them too. I placed them over the legs of the tree base, and that was it! Next year I might also look for a better tree skirt, maybe in the Dollar Tree Christmas decorations I’ll find one that will work for Christmas and VDay.

And that’s it! It cost about $20 and I’m pretty happy with how the tree turned out considering the low investment. I love having the tree up for a couple more months and I definitely think this is a tradition I’ll continue to do every year! What are everyone’s thoughts?

ExploreLongBeach Opinion Pieces

Dreamscape Los Angeles: The Future of Virtual Reality

Posted on October 23, 2019

Dreamscape Immersive, Virtual Reality, posing with the Frog Cats, Los Angeles

VIRTUAL REALITY. Dreamscape was hands down, one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve done some of the rides at theme parks that have a virtual reality element, and I’ve always thought VR was pretty cool. At the time, I had no idea that a fully immersive and interactive VR experience was even possible (and actually, it probably wasn’t then… But it is now!) The short synopsis: you put on a headset, hand sensors, foot sensors, and a backpack. Once you’re geared up, you enter the experience of your choice.

I’ve always thought VR was pretty cool.

Dreamscape Immersive, Jason wearing his VR headset, Los Angeles

I highly recommend booking tix in advance because this experience is so amazing that they were basically sold out for the entire rest of the day by the time we arrived for our 2:30 reservation. Another tip – don’t be late! Like, at all. Think of it like a movie where it has a specific start time and if you come when it’s over, you missed it. Leave plenty of extra time to park and to drive (because, LA.) But, it is SO worth the trek. If you’re like me and can only handle the drive to LA a couple times a year, let me tell you that Dreamscape is an experience you don’t want to miss. (FYI – they also have another location in Dallas TX.)

I don’t even have anything to compare it to because it’s so unique and amazing, almost life-changing.

So now onto the story lines: At Dreamscape, there are currently 3 different experiences to choose from, and each one has a different story line. (And a 4th experience is in the works so stay tuned!) My personal favorite was called Alien Zoo, and I can only describe the visuals as comparable to stepping into the movie Avatar – only you could actually “touch” an alien, feel your spaceship shaking as another alien tries to attack you, and throw a real bouncy ball to shoo other cute and tiny aliens away. I liked this one the most because of the bright and exciting visuals, the tactile effects, and the story line.

There are currently 3 different experiences to choose from, and each one has a different story line.

My bf’s fav experience was called The Curse of the Lost Pearl. It had kind of an Indiana Jones vibe, and it was also the most interactive. There were problems to solve as the room started to “collapse” around you, there were “torches” you actually hold to light your way, and at one point the platform “fell” out from under us and we had to step towards the edge to continue our quest. The VR is so real you might feel your fear of heights kick in (I know I did!), even though you never leave the room you first entered.

The VR is so real you might feel your fear of heights kick in (I know I did!), even though you never leave the room you first entered.

The last experience was the most immersive. It was called The Blu, and felt like we actually went on a scuba

Dreamscape Immersive, Virtual Reality, Los Angeles

adventure with whales. The graphics are so next-level that I gasped when I saw the the giant whale next to me and I looked into its eye. It felt so real and so alive that I had to remind myself this was all the result of a headset. Even as you go “down” into the water, the wind and sound effects around you give you the vague sense of being submerged.

The graphics are so next-level that I gasped when I saw the the giant whale next to me and I looked into its eye.

When you are in the Dreamscapes, you also enter as an avatar that you choose before the experience begins

(not to be confused with the movie Avatar, which I know I referenced above, but I felt like I had no other way to describe the visual effects from Alien Zoo!) Anyways, if you put your hands out in front of you, you will see your avatar’s hands. If you look at the people around you, you will see them as the avatars they chose. You can reach out and touch them and they are exactly where their avatar appears to be. Actually, everything is exactly where it appears to be, which brings me to my next point.

Miraculously, I didn’t get motion sickness from this at all.

I get it from almost anything that moves (planes, escalators, elevators) or even things that appear to move (like VR.) Miraculously, I didn’t get motion sickness from this at all. I asked one of the staff members at Dreamscape and he said that lag is what causes motion sickness with VR, even if it’s only a few milliseconds. Basically, with a lot of other VR software, when you reach towards something, your hand is actually moving slightly faster than you see it move in your headset, and the lag causes motion sickness in some people. This software was so good, there was no lag. When you move, you see yourself move. It feels like real life, only you’re “underwater” or on another “planet” or on an adventure in some ancient runes.

So which one should you choose?

I highly recommend doing all 3. They’re all very different and fun in different ways. I didn’t leave any of the experiences feeling like it was just okay. I also think if we only got tix for one or two, we would have wanted to do the whole set (especially after that drive to LA, amirite?). Check out Dreamscape for more information and to be the first to know about their new experience, coming soon!

Opinion Pieces

Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Nursing a Toddler

Posted on November 25, 2018

“Aren’t you worried you’re going to make her weird?”

“If she can ask for it, she’s too old.”

“Did you always plan to breastfeed this long?”

For some reason, breastfeeding is one of those things everyone seems to have an opinion about. Last year, I wrote an article about everything I wished someone had told me about breastfeeding. This was based on my experience nursing Katie for 13 months, and I was also in the early months of nursing Isabelle.

This past month, Isabelle turned 18 months. And yes, she’s still nursing. In this article I’m going to talk about everything I have learned about nursing an older baby, including the differences from nursing a younger baby, what my original plan was, the questions I often get, and my favorite nursing products.

How long did you originally plan on nursing?

My plan was to nurse for at least 12 months. I didn’t have a plan to specifically wean at that point, but I knew that 12 months was my first milestone.

Why did you wean your oldest at 13 months?

The day my 13 month old stopped nursing

She actually weaned herself. I was at a point where I was getting ready to wind down so we were only nursing twice a day at that point. I was also pregnant, and supposedly the pregnancy hormones can make your milk taste different and decrease in quantity.

So, I went to nurse Katie one morning, like we had literally done every morning since she was born. And when I pulled out my boob, she looked at it like she had never seen it before in her life. I offered 2 more days in a row after that, and she refused.

The photo to the left is the actual day she stopped nursing. I thought it was so bizarre that she wasn’t interested so I had Jason snap a pic. And, that was the end of it. We were both ready. (Also, don’t judge the giant mess! I had a sprained ankle, was on crutches, and hadn’t showered in a few days… perhaps the lack of showering was the real reason she stopped nursing?)

How long are you planning on nursing now?

I plan on cutting down at 2 years. I’m not saying I’m going to do a hard stop. It really depends on what our nursing relationship is like at that point. Isabelle is still young. Nursing is soothing for her, and I enjoy the bonding experience as well.

What makes it different?

The distractedness! Sometimes Isabelle will pull off to say something to me, or to “boop” my nose, or to point out my facial features and name them. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me sometimes if we are in a hurry. But luckily, she doesn’t NEED breastmilk for nutrition so if she is too distracted and we have to leave, we just stop that nursing session.

We went through a period of a few months where she would nurse in the most awkward positions.

The squirming is another issue too. We went through a period of a few months where she would nurse in the most awkward positions. Hanging upside down off the back of the couch, standing, lying on her side…. The days of using the boppy pillow and having a quiet nursing session were over.

She eventually got over the squirming, but not all kids do. Now, she usually settles in next to me and we curl up together.

Do people make comments about how she’s too old?

ALL the time. I don’t really mind that much. It’s kind of humorous that people’s comments imply I want to wean right now and am just unable to, when that isn’t the case. I get suggestions about how to take away nursing sessions or distract her when she starts asking for milk. People say she doesn’t really need to nurse and it’s time to start cutting back.

I think you see less moms nursing toddlers out in public and everyone assumes it’s uncommon.

I think part of the problem is that many nursing moms feed young babies on demand, so if a mom is out in public and baby needs to eat, the mom is going to feed him or her asap. Fewer moms nurse older babies or toddlers on demand, so I think you see less moms nursing them out in public and everyone assumes it’s uncommon. If I’m out with Isabelle during one of our nursing times, we usually just skip it and she eats regular food. There are a few times I will nurse, but I can also distract her if I need to. Not that I’m ashamed or trying to be secretive about the fact that I’m still nursing, I just feel like it isn’t as urgent as when she was younger.

Do you just let her drink whenever she wants?

I do not. I know that a lot of moms do, and to each her own, but it’s not what I want at this point in our nursing relationship. I did feed on demand when she was younger and I was her only food source. I also will nurse extra when she is teething or sick and wants to nurse for comfort. At this point, we typically nurse in the morning, before nap, after nap, and before bed.

I probably say, “This isn’t a buffet,” 10 times a day to her.

She will sometimes ask to nurse at other times of the day, and I just tell her it isn’t time for milk right now. She is welcome to have other food.

For me, I don’t want to end up in a position where she walks by and does drive-by sips whenever she wants. Some moms are okay with that, but it isn’t for me at this time. So I encourage her to drink more during our nursing sessions and when she’s done, I close up shop until the next time. I probably say, “This isn’t a buffet,” 10 times a day to her.

Do you feel like it’s weird?

Not at all. First of all, she’s still very much a baby. Many organizations, including the WHO, recommend nursing until age 2. There are plenty of benefits for nursing a baby over 1.

breastfeeding-benefits-for-babies-over-12-months

Benefits of Breastfeeding past 12 months.
Image source

Second of all, it’s what we’ve always done. It’s always been our routine. When you are in that nursing bubble, it’s your norm.

I’ll admit that within a month or two of Katie weaning, I already felt like it would be weird if we were still nursing. I think there is a mental shift after you wean. I would look at her and think wow, she seems so big and grown up, I cannot even imagine if I was still nursing her right now!

I think there is a mental shift after you wean.

I never judged other moms who nursed longer, everyone has their own journey, but it just felt like it would have been weird for ME.

And yet, here I am. Nursing Isabelle 5 months longer than I nursed Katie, and it doesn’t seem weird at all. But I’m guessing a month or two after she weans, I’ll feel that disconnect again about how strange it would be if I was still nursing.

Do you ever get a break from her?

Yup. She spends the night at her grandparents’ house every Sunday night. When she is there, she just drinks regular milk. I don’t pump in her absence, and when she comes home the next day, she asks for milk and I nurse her.

It can feel isolating, and it’s hard to not be able to have extended breaks unless you pump.

I think part of why it’s been so easy to nurse her past 1 is because I don’t feel the same pressure as I did when she was younger. It’s hard nursing in the beginning because for moms who exclusively breastfeed, you are their only food source. It can feel isolating at times and it’s hard to not be able to have extended breaks unless you pump, and I really hated pumping. I did it when I had to, but there were definitely times I didn’t go somewhere because I didn’t have any pumped milk for Isabelle.

At this point, I know I can be away from her and she can just drink milk and water and eat food.

Does she drink regular milk, too?

Yes. She drinks it when I am away, when we go to restaurants, or if she asks for it at home. She is welcome to have regular milk whenever she wants. I’m not trying to force her to rely on me for milk.

I’m not trying to force her to rely on me for milk.

Some people assume a mom who breastfeeds past 1 is selfishly trying to force their baby to need them, or are too weak to “just say no,” but that’s not what it’s about. Nursing is mutually beneficial for both of us.

What does your boyfriend think?

He has been very supportive of my breastfeeding journey. The beginning wasn’t easy for me with either of my girls. It hurt and it was hard to stick with it. I really thought the second time around would be easier, but I had the same issues with pain that I had with Katie, despite the fact that several lactation consultants said Isabelle’s latch was okay.

I’ll admit, he does think it’s weird when I ask him to take a nursing photo for me.

Jason knows that in the big picture, the amount of years I have spent nursing are small, and that it’s healthy for the girls.

I’ll admit, he does think it’s weird when I ask him to take a nursing photo for me. But he also knows that I think it’s important to put photos out to normalize breastfeeding, and he supports that. The more often we see it, the less stigma there will be surrounding it. It makes me sad when I hear stories about women being told to “cover up” or “do that in the bathroom.” I am fortunate to have never been told either of these things.

I’m not saying everyone needs to nurse publicly if they are uncomfortable, but it should be a woman’s choice and no one should feel ashamed to feed their baby.

I think it’s important to put photos out to normalize breastfeeding, and he supports that.

And then I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that Isabelle is small for her age and also very clingy, so she still seems more like a baby than Katie did at the same age.

What are your nursing must-haves?

The best nursing tank

A good nursing tank. This is especially good for new moms who may be uncomfortable nursing in public, but also don’t want to completely cover their baby with a blanket. This tank has clasps that pull down, and then there is a slit in the shelf-bra portion to feed baby through. It still allows for some modesty but baby can eat.

A good nursing bra. This was hard for me to find because I went from a 34DDD to a 34H. Yes, H. Did you know that was a size? Needless to say, my giant H boobs were not comfortable in wireless bras, and most nursing bras are wireless. It felt like the equivalent of putting a sock on my boobs! I needed support! I found this nursing bra in my size, and was also surprised it had some cute lace details. Nothing too fancy, but wasn’t a beige sock either.

I went from a 34DDD to a 34H.

O-cal-ette cups. I’m bummed I didn’t even find out about these until after I had Isabelle. You put them in your bra and they collect all the milk that leaks out, and then you can store and save it. I was shocked how much milk I was losing on one side while I nursed on the other. They also can be worn instead of breast pads to protect against leaking through your shirt.

A good pump. If you are going to be pumping frequently, you should probably invest in a double electric pump. They aren’t cheap, but I used my Medela double electric pump for about a year with each baby. In the big picture, it’s worth it. Hand pumps are a lot of work, and the last thing I wanted to do when I woke up engorged in the middle of the night was to spend 20 minutes cramping up my hands while pumping each side.

Mother’s Milk Tea… It reminds me of black licorice, but it totally works.

A nursing pillow. This is essential for newborns! I don’t know how moms survived before nursing pillows! You can use it for so many different positions. It’s scary trying to make sure their tiny bodies are 100% supported, especially when it’s your first child. They seem so fragile! The football hold always worked best for both of my girls when they were young, though many moms I know prefer the traditional cradle hold.

Mother’s Milk Tea. I’ll be honest, it’s nasty. I was able to get somewhat used to the taste, but I never enjoyed it. It reminds me of black licorice. But it totally works for increasing milk supply. Oh, also for the first few days, it makes your hands smell like maple syrup! This is from the fenugreek.

Other Breastfeeding Resources

La Leche League. This is an international organization that started with the goal of helping women breastfeed. Many women have been told by doctors that they are unable to breastfeed, that their baby isn’t getting enough milk, that they cannot take certain medications while breastfeeding, etc. The La Leche League is an authority source on all issues related to breastfeeding, and they have articles to back up their facts. You can also use their site to find support in your area.

The “Breastfeeding Mamas” facebook group. It’s a great place to ask questions, look for reassurance, post photos of your baby’s latch, etc. If you are up in the middle of the night and don’t know if you can power through, this is somewhere you can post and other moms will cheer you on. *This is a women-only group.*

Kellymom. This site is a wealth of information for all things newborn. When I first started nursing and had nipple pain, when I had thrush, when I had mastitis, when Katie had colic… Kellymom is where I went for answers.

Local breastfeeding groups in your area. I’m in Long Beach and we have an amazing local group called Long Beach Breastfeeds. Other cities have similar groups. A google search should be able to help you find yours.

Opinion Pieces

Should You Make Time for Fitness?

Posted on October 14, 2018

Did you come here expecting me to say yes? I’m not going to.

A lot of people will tell you making time for fitness is “easy” if it’s important to you. I call bullshit – sort of. Allow me to elaborate:

A lot of people will tell you making time for fitness is “easy” if it’s important to you. I call bullshit – sort of. Allow me to elaborate:

“Making time” for anything is exactly that: MAKING TIME. It would be nice if we all had unlimited time, but alas, that is not the case. If you want to find time for one activity, that means borrowing it from another activity.

I should mention that I’m not here to debate whether or not exercise is good for you, I think we can all agree that it is. But should you bend over backwards making time to fit it into your life? Only you can answer that.

If you want to find time for one activity, that means borrowing it from another activity.

Running a 10K on Thanksgiving

Let’s get started with what YOU do. Maybe you work, maybe you take care of kids, maybe you do both. These duties are non-negotiable. Work has deadlines, and I assume you want to keep your kids alive.

So, what else do you do? Maybe you are responsible for the cleaning in your house, making meals for yourself and others, doing laundry, or picking up after your family. Then there are “luxuries” we all want to enjoy such as showering, eating full meals, (can you tell I’m a mom?) and having a moment to unwind by watching tv or reading a book.

Then there are “luxuries” we all want to enjoy such as showering and eating full meals (can you tell I’m a mom?)

Now let me jump to why I make time for fitness. When I work out, especially when I do cardio, it makes me a better mom. I have more patience to deal with my kids, I have less anxiety, and my body feels better.

However, making time for fitness comes at a cost. Some days I don’t have time to make dinner, or I might have to skip washing the sheets and towels one week. Maybe I skip vacuuming and that means I’m wading through Cheerios to get across my apartment – kidding, sort of…

Making time for fitness comes at a cost.

Are these the types of things you want to give up? I can’t answer that for you. Maybe sleeping on dirty sheets gives you insomnia because you’re so grossed out. Maybe not picking up the kid’s toys every day gives you panic attacks because there’s too much clutter. Does this sound healthy to you?

You are the only person who can evaluate how different activities positively or negatively impact your life.

You are the only person who can evaluate how different activities positively or negatively impact your life.

Maybe you are able to move some things around in your schedule and start a new fitness regimen right now, maybe you’ll do it when the kids are older, or maybe when you retire. Whatever the case, don’t beat yourself up too much if you are in a fitness slump.

Be your own advocate

While I do sincerely hope each of you eventually finds a fitness regimen you love that fits in your schedule perfectly, I’m not going to preach to those of you who haven’t yet. And I definitely won’t say it’s “easy.” Be your own advocate and choose a path that makes you your best self. There is no one-size-fits-all for the perfect life.

Opinion Pieces

Lessons from Toddlers: Getting What You Want in Life

Posted on March 22, 2018

“Mommy, tickle me! No, not my tummy, tickle my back. Tickle faster! Now tickle sloooow.” *Toddler giggles ensue*. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Do you ever notice how toddlers seem to get everything they want? I mean, assuming it’s safe, reasonable, and not too costly?

Do you ever notice how toddlers seem to get everything they want?

Now what about this scenario: “Hey, girlfriend, I’m going out with my friends. Is that cool?” “Sure, boyfriend. I don’t care. Do whatever you want.” *Angry seething ensues*. Has anyone also been there?

The second scenario was teenage me. I expected my then-boyfriend to be a mind-reader and got mad when I didn’t get what I wanted. This led to a very confused boyfriend. “You said it was okay?” (No, I wasn’t a complete psycho and this wasn’t something that happened ALL the time, but it definitely happened occasionally. I was young, don’t judge me.)

“Mom, stop singing.”

The first scenario is where I strive to be. Perhaps a little less demanding… But if you look at toddlers, you always know what they want. Because they ALWAYS tell you. “Mom, stop singing.” “I don’t want to take a bath.” “Sharing makes me sad.”

Saying what you want isn’t always easy. Especially at first. It makes me feel needy to utter phrases like “I need attention” or “I’m having a hard time today.” And no one likes to feel needy. But what’s worse than worrying about how you potentially look to others is never getting what you want because you don’t speak up.

It makes me feel needy to utter phrases like “I need attention.”

There is definitely a downside to this. Sometimes you put yourself out there, but the answer is no. Just like we have to tell our kids no. Sometimes you may be in the middle of a meltdown, call your significant other at work and tell them you desperately need them (ahem, K’s colic days… dark times…), and they have a meeting or can’t talk for some other reason. But even if that happens some of the time, is it better to never ask? And shoulder every burden alone?

Sometimes you put yourself out there, but the answer is no.

I’m not perfect and I still have not mastered this 100%. But being upfront as often as possible, especially with people I care about, is where I strive to be. It’s how you get the love you deserve, it’s how you get raises, and people respect a straight-shooter.

Demanding women are “bitchy” and demanding men are “go-getters.”

It’s especially hard for women to master this because we are expected to be pleasant and agreeable. (I know these old-timey views are changing but they still absolutely affect gender-roles today.). Demanding women are “bitchy” and demanding men are “go-getters.” But shouldn’t we all strive to be go-getters? How else are we supposed to get what we want if we don’t go get it?

Opinion Pieces

Why We Weaned for 3 Weeks and then Gave the Pacifier Back

Posted on December 4, 2017

I know we might be regretting this… but we gave my daughter her pacifier back after almost 3 weeks without it. To be fair we weren’t even planning on weaning right now in the first place. We were on our way to Michigan and it got lost somewhere at airport security (I later realized I actually did grab it and put it in my backpack…) so we flew without it.

To be fair we weren’t even planning on weaning right now in the first place.

Once we got to Michigan, we were at my parents’ house and Katie was so excited to see her grandparents, she forgot about her “sassy.” All of a sudden we were on day 3 without it, so we figured, this is as good of a time as ever.

Would we never see one in our house again?

Took out her “sass” to smile for a photo

Secretly, I was a little sad. I felt so unprepared! Our younger daughter, Isabelle, doesn’t take a pacifier. Would we never see one in our house again? And was I really missing the thing that ruined 7,000 photos? The thing that when we accidentally left without it meant scrambling to find the nearest place that sold one, even sometimes walking a mile in 90 degree heat to get to a store (Happy second Father’s Day, Jason!). These stupid pacifiers were so important for so long, and all of a sudden we didn’t need them! But obviously I wasn’t going to give it back because I was a little wistful, That would be selfish, and K seemed to be doing fine without it.

These stupid pacifiers were so important for so long, and all of a sudden we didn’t need them!

On day 4, we had an incident where K had trouble falling asleep. We were, however, in my childhood bedroom, in Michigan, and it’s dark and quiet there, not to mention new to her. She asked for it while crying several times. No, begged for it. I told myself this was part of weaning and we would get through it.

She asked for it while crying several times. No, begged for it.

We had no more incidents before we left Michigan about a week later and headed home. K started waking up at night thrashing and screaming. Night terrors. This was happening every 2 or 3 hours almost every single night. And when she woke, she was inconsolable. She almost seemed to have transcended. She would thrash and scream for a good 10-15 minutes and seemed almost non-responsive to us during that time. Then this started 20 minutes into nap time too, at which point she would just wake up and refuse to nap.

K started waking up at night thrashing and screaming. Night terrors.

Holding “sass” in her teeth to come in and ask me a question

K was miserable because she was exhausted. She was acting like an overtired toddler every second of every day. It was hell. She was falling apart over everything. Her dad and I were exhausted from waking with her and our 6 month old, and worn down from dealing with her constant tantrums as a result of her being so tired.

This week, after 3 weeks of no “sass” and about a week into the sleep disturbances, she woke 20 minutes into her nap, as usual, and was thrashing, screaming, kicking, and shaking the rails of her crib. It was breaking my heart to see her like this. She has had a few night terrors in the past, but ones of this severity have been few and far between. And she was usually able to soothe herself back to sleep after 5 minutes at the most.

I called Jason at work and told him I was thinking of giving her sass back

I called Jason at work and told him I was thinking of giving her sass back, and asked what he thought. I said we could make a rule that it stays in the crib at all times, and we can discuss weaning again in another 6 months or so. (To be fair, dentists and pediatricians recommend weaning between ages 2 and 4, and K is 2.5. It’s not like she’s taking it to kindergarten.)

To be fair, dentists and pediatricians recommend weaning between ages 2 and 4

Jason agreed to giving sass back, so I did, and K fell right asleep. It’s been 3 more weeks now. She has returned to taking 2-3 hour naps most days of the week and she has only woken twice at night with night terrors.

Maybe it was a phase that would have passed if we waited it out.

Maybe it was a phase that would have passed if we waited it out. Maybe it will be harder to wean in the future, when we finally decide to. I don’t know. Parenting is a series of decisions and you never know if you’re making the right one. I can’t say I’m entirely disappointed, as I was a little wistful anyways, but I am happy to have gotten her back to sleeping well again.

Older Posts