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Why My New Year’s Resolution of Self-Care was a Cop Out

Posted on January 16, 2019

My initial New Year’s resolution was “more self-care”…. Until I realized what a cop-out that was.

How do I decide if I achieved it or not? How do I know if I should pat myself on the back and say, “Yes, I’m awesome,” or “I kind of bombed it”? And then do I make another wishy-washy goal for 2020? Neither really makes me feel good. I need to regroup, so I put on my big girl panties to deal with it.

How do I measure this “self-care” I’m referring to?

So, goals. I need to decide how to measure this “self-care” I’m referring to. I think to start, I want to make time to work out at least twice a week, do a facial once a week, and do something relaxing like take a bath or meditate once a week as well. This means I need about 2.5-3 hours of time I will need to borrow from somewhere else.

Where is my time currently going?

Where is my time currently going? This will help me decide where I can borrow from, or how to find “new time.” Right now, the obvious priority is the girls. I’m home with them most of the week, while also working from home and trying to manage a household (dinner, cleaning, etc.). I can do some things while I’m with them, but I want to be better about separating my tasks. Multi-tasking often leads to half-assing everything.

Right now, the obvious priority is the girls.

Passion Planner

I mentioned that I wanted to find a good planner in one of my instagram posts, and for Christmas I was gifted the Passion Planner by my brother and his girlfriend. I am already obsessed! I love that it has a full month layout because I need to see everything at once, and then it has columns for each day that are broken down into half hour increments.

I started by blocking off times I am sleeping, commuting, feeding the kids, etc.

I started by blocking off times I am sleeping, commuting, feeding the kids, etc., so I had a better idea of what times were available for me each day. My hope was that I would find time I was squandering, but unfortunately I am just as busy as I thought I was! This meant I needed to allot certain times for work, play, cleaning, etc.

Scheduling everything…. It feels weird and formal, but it’s really been working for me.

So, scheduling everything…. It feels weird and formal, but it’s really been working for me. It’s helping me be more focused and present in the moment. I often find myself answering an email while I’m playing with the girls, or stopping to read a book to my kids when I’m supposed to be working. And also the opposite problem: sometimes I start playing and don’t stop for hours and I get behind, or I start working and all of a sudden 2 hours have gone by and I haven’t given the kids enough attention. (Working from home problems… The struggle!)

I am not answering emails, checking instagram, cleaning, cooking, etc.

Play time with the girls

My new plan is that I now have scheduled times for everything, and I bought myself a timer. There are times that are specifically for play. During those times, I set the timer and I am reading or playing and giving my kids my undivided attention until the timer goes off. I am not answering emails, checking instagram, cleaning, cooking, etc. The kids deserve that, and I made sure that there are a few hours of each day that we are playing together (in addition to the times we go to the park or aquarium or wherever.)

Another one of my goals this year was to make more money.

I also have times scheduled for work. Another one of my goals this year was to make more money. Well, technically it was contribute to a better quality of life for our family, but a lot of that comes down to money. I wanted to be able to pay for things like gymnastics lessons for Katie, maybe some new furniture for the new apartment, that type of stuff. Nothing crazy, but it all costs money. And more money means more work.

I need to be working smarter, and scheduling work time is the answer.

I think what I need here is to be working smarter, and scheduling work time is the answer. I am very fortunate that my in-laws agreed to help with the girls another day during the week, in addition to an overnight on the weekends. This helps me work in larger chunks which is easier for me than squeezing one or two hours in here and there. I can do the bulk of my work during those times.

I don’t work as efficiently after 14 hours of watching the girls

Me working from home

I am also still using “quiet time” (formerly nap time, RIP naps for Katie!) to work as well. It’s kind of hit or miss, depending on how quiet the girls actually are. And then I have some time after they go to bed, but I don’t work as efficiently after 14 hours of watching the girls, so I am allotting that time for some of my easier tasks.

Picking up isn’t as essential to me as work or spending uninterrupted time with the girls

The last thing I am scheduling is every day cleaning/cooking. This is the type of thing I can do easily while the girls are awake, but not during our designated play time. It’s a little scattered, has a lot of interruptions, but as long as I keep the house somewhat in order, we’ll all live. Picking up isn’t as essential to me as work which has deadlines (also money), or spending uninterrupted time with the girls, because they won’t be little forever.

As I keep the house somewhat in order, we’ll all live

I know this wasn’t as fun as some of my other posts, but I’m guessing if you are still reading this, you are another busy mom looking to find your own balance which is why I decided to write about my trials and errors. It’s not perfect, but it’s providing me a little more structure and stability amidst the chaos that is life with 2 littles.

It is also still a work in progress, so I’ll be posting updates as I go. I would love to hear any other tips from moms out there who are figuring out the juggle!

Product Links:

Erica Panty I’m wearing on my couch

Passion Planner

Daily Life

Our Family is Moving into a Two Bedroom!

Posted on December 6, 2018

Leaving our babymoon to sign apartment paperwork

So, we’re moving.

In just a few days. It kind of came as a surprise, as far as moving goes. Our landlord let us know about 2 weeks ago that there was an opening in our complex for a larger unit, with 2 bedrooms. We had been talking about moving on and off for years, and it was never really the right time.

Life with 1 baby in the big one-bedroom.

We had been talking about moving on and off for years, and it was never really the right time.

We moved into this apartment from a smaller one bedroom when I was 9 months pregnant with Katie. Why move from a one bedroom to another one bedroom? Because our last one bedroom was so tiny, there’s no way we could have possibly been able to fit a crib or any of the other things a baby needs! The featured image is of Jason and I on the last day of our babymoon, and we left from there to sign the paperwork for the apartment we’re currently in.

We moved into this apartment from a smaller one bedroom when I was 9 months pregnant with Katie.

SoCal living is much different from Michigan where I grew up.

In college when I looked at apartments, I remember thinking about what amenities I wanted – a dishwasher, parking, close to campus, etc. Then I moved to Long Beach. Now I’m realizing you pick your price range…. and that’s about all you can pick. You see what’s available in your price range, and you can take it or leave it.

You pick your price range…. and that’s about all you can pick.

If you are casually browsing, you can just look every few days and see what’s out there that matches your needs. If you have a deadline, like you’re having a baby or changed jobs and need to move, expect apartment searching to be pretty much another part-time job. And if find something but can’t look at it until later that day, there’s a good chance it will be gone by then. It’s happened to us!

Expect apartment searching to be pretty much another part-time job.

Trying to eat while K slept on me when she had colic

So, when I was about 8 and a half months pregnant with K, we found our large one bedroom. We had actually been searching for 2 bedrooms at the time, but we didn’t really find anything that we loved that was in our price range. (This meant lots and lots of tears from a hormonal soon-to-be mama…) We decided to take the large one bedroom because I was about to burst. I had Katie 3 weeks later, and we agreed to start looking at 2 bedrooms in another year.

When K was 13 months, I got pregnant again.

It seemed difficult to move during another pregnancy, so we held off our search. We ended up losing that baby, but I got pregnant for a third time 4 weeks after the loss. Again, we put off our search.

It seemed difficult to move during another pregnancy

And now, here we are. Isabelle is 18 months, but I’ve been so busy with work and the kids that searching for an apartment as well seemed like an impossible feat. Our landlord knocked on our door the other day and let us know the unit right next to us opened up! We literally only have to move about 4 feet over!

The opportunity fell into our laps, and we had to jump on it.

All this clutter and 2 babies in our little apartment

As a family, we’ve had a lot of emotions surrounding the move, even though it’s literally next door. Jason and I really excited. More space will mean a better quality of life for everyone. We won’t be so on top of each other, the kids will have more to play, more storage space will mean less clutter, and less clutter makes it easier to relax.

More space will mean a better quality of life for everyone.

We’re also excited to have our own room! I never realized how much having your own space means to a relationship. Even the little things like watching a show together in bed help with bonding. Since having the girls, our bedroom was literally just a place for us to sleep. It didn’t feel like “our” space. And having 2 little kids is stressful, so anything that makes you feel more unified as a couple is important!

It didn’t feel like “our” space.

K is a little confused.

Despite me telling her over and over that ALL our belongings are moving with us, she keeps asking about specific items. “But what about my backpack?” “Yes, it’s coming. EVERYTHING is coming.” “But what about my bed?” … She also asked briefly if she should leave some of her toys for the next people who live here, before quickly having a change of heart and saying “Those are MY toys!” Her giving spirit was cute, and brief.

K is also not sure about having a room with only Isabelle, and not Mommy and Daddy too.

Jason and the girls – soon to be partners in crime!

K is also not sure about having a room with only Isabelle, and not Mommy and Daddy too. I know after she adjusts, she’s going to love it. Maybe too much… already imagining the mischief the 2 of them will be getting in together! But she’s also never had in a room away from us before. It will be new and different, at first. Just like the transition to a toddler bed, I can see a layer of excitement in her, and another of unease. And for me, feelings of pride mixed with a little sadness about how she’s growing up so fast!

I am also feeling a little bittersweet about leaving.

OF COURSE I am beyond excited for more space and our own bedroom, but there’s also that feeling about a chapter closing that’s leaving me emotional. (I know half of you can relate and half of you are rolling your eyes because it’s RIGHT NEXT DOOR.) .

I was scared about labor, life as a mom, breastfeeding, all of it…

Katie diagnosed with colic at 7 weeks

But when we moved into this apartment, I was 9 months pregnant. I was scared about labor, life as a mom, breastfeeding, all of it… K was born and a few weeks later, she was diagnosed with colic, so I had some really dark times in the beginning. In THIS apartment. These were followed by some of the most wonderful times as I watched her grow from a colicky newborn into a smiley 6 month old and then a walking, talking little person (or threenager….) . In THIS apartment. During that time I also made a career switch into marketing, and I lost a baby which led to more really dark times for me. All in this apartment…

During that time I also made a career switch into marketing, and I lost a baby.

I got pregnant with Isabelle here, and tried to balance being so effing exhausted and crabby and just wanting to sleep with wanting to make sure I enjoyed the last of my time with K as an only child. My pregnancy with Isabelle was difficult. I remember a lot of tears, ER trips, bleeding, and early labor. She was born healthy via c section. Several months later, I made another big career decision and decided to work for myself. While living in THIS apartment.

And now here we are almost 4 years later.

39 weeks – the day before I had Isabelle

We went from a family of 2 to a family of 4. From spending the weekend at the bars to spending it at the aquarium. I was waitressing when we moved in and undecided in what I wanted to do with my life (my degree is in neuroscience and I realized I didn’t want to work in a lab forever…) Now, I’m freelancing in marketing and I never thought I would enjoy work so much. Jason and I have grown into a completely different couple than we were when we moved in, in a good way. We’ve been tested in more ways than I ever thought possible when I was childless. And we made it.

So, what I leave behind (aka next door, I know), is some of the best and worst pieces of the most influential chapter of my life.

So, what I leave behind (aka next door, I know…), is some of the best and worst pieces of the most influential chapter of my life. It feels strange, and exciting. I’m simultaneously feeling nostalgia and practically vibrating out of my seat with excitement for what the future will hold for us. My next post will probably be written in the comfort of my own bedroom, and I can’t wait to begin this new chapter of our lives.

Daily Life

The Long Beach Turkey Trot 2018

Posted on November 23, 2018

Isabelle nursing after the Long Beach Turkey Trot 10k

When you cross the finish line after running a 10k and have a proud toddler cheering for you, a proud boyfriend cheering for you, and one little lady pointing at you shouting “Milk! Milk!” Starting to feel a little bit like she’s using me… And she was not happy about my bib number in the way of her food!

This year I signed up with intentions of training, but life has just been busy!

So, the Long Beach Turkey Trot…

I did the 10k. It was brutal. I ran it last year, but I was also running regularly last year. This year I signed up with intentions of training, but life has just been busy! I figured well, I used to run, I can still run, right? Eh… It doesn’t quite work like that.

My body is pretty angry today, but I’m hoping this will jump start my fitness again.

I did finish, and it took an hour and ten minutes. Last year with training, it still took an hour and 6 minutes. I was pretty happy with my time. I really run for mental health benefits so even my time last year wasn’t what runners would call “fast,” but I’m not out there to break any records. My body is pretty angry today, but I’m hoping this will jump start my fitness again. I really need it in my life.

Nursing an older baby is different.

Now, back to why I’ve been so busy…

I’ve been doing a ton of work on my blog lately and this week specifically, I’ve been putting together another article about nursing. (I wrote one when Isabelle was younger after nursing her as a baby and K for 13 months.) But Isabelle is 18 months now, and nursing an older baby is different.

“Isn’t she too old?!”

The upcoming article compiles some questions and answers about nursing an older baby (“Isn’t she too old?!”) and also includes some of my favorite nursing must-haves (mostly from Essential Bodywear because I’m obsessed with their nursing cami!) Stay tuned! And please send positive healing vibes for my aching body

Daily Life

Is it Important for Your Child to Fit in?

Posted on November 9, 2018

Who else is dreading the day their kid starts to care what their peers think? So far we have been pretty lucky that K marches to the beat of her own drum. To be fair, she doesn’t care what I think either, and that has been a challenge at times. But I also love that she’s her own person.

To be fair, she doesn’t care what I think either

Here she is at school on pajama day – the only kid in footed jammies for the second year in a row. And with orange shoes, of course. After last year, I wondered if she would realize that her peers all have footless jammies with princesses or other characters on them. I thought perhaps she would want that too. So much so, that I even secretly put a spare pair of jammies in her backpack in case she felt out of place and gave her teacher a heads up in private (though I would obviously never say anything to K to dissuade her from being her own person.)

I even secretly put a spare pair of jammies in her backpack in case she felt out of place

What a fool I was to worry! She routinely goes to school wearing 2 different shoes, she boldly announces her likes and dislikes despite what her peers like and dislike, and she rocks these wild curls with style. Do I wish she was tamer and more obedient? Occasionally.

Do I wish she was tamer and more obedient? Occasionally.

Some day, getting her dressed is like wrestling an alligator. Some days her hair is so in her face because she refused a ponytail and I wonder how she can even see. We try to enforce rules that are safety related (because she breaks so many of those that if we started dictating what she wore and ate, we would be fighting every second of every day.)

It took me until I was damn near 30 to stop caring what people think.

With all the difficulties that come with a strong-willed child, I’m proud that K is her own person. It took me until I was damn near 30 to stop caring what people think. I’m sure she may regress and care a little more in her adolescent years, but in the mean time, I’m here to encourage her to be her own person. And I think having a footed-jammie-wearing, curly little lady that wears an upsidedown super hero mask to brunch is pretty awesome.

Daily Life

The Search for the Unbreakable Mug

Posted on November 8, 2018

Who has started their Christmas shopping?! I have literally been looking for over a year for a mug for K (and now for Isabelle, too) but couldn’t find anything to suit my needs – until now. I wanted something that wasn’t ceramic but was also BPA-free for hot liquids. I found these UNBREAKABLE, BPA-free, dishwasher-safe mugs, and my kids are obsessed.

There is a variety of holiday images to choose from and you can add your child’s name, too

They are super lightweight and you can personalize them! There is a variety of holiday images to choose from and you can add your child’s name, too. The girls have already had hot chocolate in their mugs (and said it was coffee… I might be modeling some coffee-obsessed behavior ?.) The mugs usually sell for $21.25 and $4.99 for shipping but for 48 hours, if you use code PARENTDAZE, you can get them for $16.99 and free shipping! You can shop for yours here!

Daily Life

Fall is a Time to Slow Down

Posted on November 7, 2018

It feels like November! Does anyone else love when it gets dark early? I’ll admit it makes me a little lazier, but there’s something about the earlier nights that make me want to slow down in a good way. We do less running around than we do in the summer, and that leaves more time for lazy family evenings. Last night we put on pj’s around 5 o’clock – Jason wasn’t even home from work yet!

Does anyone else love when it gets dark early?

I sat on my bed with the girls and we read for a little bit and then I tried to teach K to play Sonic, like the original Sonic for Sega. It was a cute and exhausting endeavor. “You gotta jump up there! Push right! No, hold right and push jump! No, push them at the same time!” Then after dinner, we made popcorn and watched kids’ Christmas songs until bed time. It was so nice to kick back and have no agenda. Don’t get me wrong, I love the warm summer nights, the concerts in the park, the music festivals… but when DST hits, I’m ready. (Only figuratively, because we literally forgot it was even happening this year until the morning after. #fail)

I’m excited for extra snuggles under fuzzy blankets, winter lagers, and family jammies.

When someone asks my favorite season, a lot of times I answer whatever season we’re currently in, because it just feels right at the time. I love summer for summer, obviously. But also fall with the cooler weather and Halloween and apple cider. Now that we’re approaching winter, I’m excited for extra snuggles under fuzzy blankets, winter lagers, family jammies (yup, I totally ordered us family jammies), and all of the upcoming holidays for the next few months. And of course everything in the slow cooker! I love coming home to the smell of a hearty meal that’s already made for me! I’ve been working on living in the moment more, and I think maybe November is exactly what I need right now.

Daily Life

Having a Cohesive Instagram Feed

Posted on October 3, 2018

Do you have a cohesive instagram feed? When I first started grammin’, I remember seeing so many beautiful feeds with all-white photos or perfect smiles every time. And no disrespect to the people who can do that, because I’m jealous! I thought that in time, my feed would be a little more cohesive too.

I thought that in time, my feed would be a little more cohesive too

And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely have posed photos, especially the sponsored ones, and my photo quality has improved a lot since I first started ParentDaze. I pay more attention to backgrounds, and lighting, but I’ve also kind of accepted that my feed will never be 100% cohesive. It won’t only have a certain color scheme, and everyone won’t be looking at the camera every time. One reason is because my life just isn’t all that cohesive.

Sure, I could only post the “perfect” pics, but that would be leaving out some of the hugest moments of my life.

I told K to get ready for brunch last weekend and she put on a cape and mask (upsidedown, obviously.) Sure, I could only post the “perfect” pics on ig, but that would be leaving out some of the hugest moments of my life (because we’re almost always a mess over here!) And I don’t want to post ONLY pics of me, or ONLY of the kids, or ONLY of hikes. I started ParentDaze with the intention of sharing all of myself, and not just the perfect moments, and not just one facet of my life. So, here is a little piece of our weekend, mask and all. It’s hectic sometimes, but I really think the organized chaos works for us, even though it isn’t always picture-perfect.

Daily Life

First Hike of the Season

Posted on September 22, 2018

First hike of the season! We probably should have waited a couple more weeks because it was HOT and we ran out of water for the last (and hardest) mile, but it felt so good to be back out there! The kids didn’t notice the water was gone (maybe because they were the ones who drank it all and were already hydrated) but Jason and I were struggling!

We work out much less in the summer because it’s just too hot.

We work out much less in the summer because it’s just too hot. Jason started swimming recently but I have been l-a-z-y! And lazy fitness for me also means lazier eating, less motivation, and not feeling as good mentally. I’m happy that the weather is cooling down and I will be able to jog and hike more frequently again. (Yes, I know I could suck it up and still do things in the summer, but I hate being miserable during a workout.)

It’s steep (about 700 feet up in 3/4 of a mile) but it’s short (just under 3.5 miles)

We definitely started the season with a bang going straight to Car Wreck. It’s steep (about 700 feet up in 3/4 of a mile) but it’s short (just under 3.5 miles) so we can still do it with the kids. K can hike and climb on her own and then we take turns with IB in the carrier (which sucks on the up.) Already feeling better having gotten our first hike under my belt though and excited for more to come! Hopefully we’ll get some nice 65 degree days soon. Who else loves hiking?!

Daily Life

Our New Cinemood Projector!

Posted on September 18, 2018

Earlier sunsets = movie nights outside with the Cinemood projector! This was our first time trying our cube outside, and I am impressed! I decided to put our cube through a few tests and see how it would perform.

I decided to put our cube through a few tests and see how it would perform.

Test 1: I wanted to see what kind of surfaces we could project on, and this bench was one of the first things I saw. It was perfect. I also tried it on the side of my car and it looked great as well. Test 2: We went right around sunset and I was worried that the projection would be too dim because it wasn’t completely dark. Again, the picture was really clear, even at dusk! Test 3: Southern California is never quiet. Would our cube be loud over the sound of the waves and traffic? The answer was yes. Even though it was a few feet in front of where we were sitting, the volume level was great. Test 4 (last test): If I don’t have a higher surface to set the cube on and I need to tilt it to hit the projection surface, will it distort the image? Pass again! Setting the cube down in the grass and tilting it so it would project on the bench didn’t change the quality of the image.

Even though it was a few feet in front of where we were sitting, the volume level was great.

I am so impressed with our Cinemood cube. I love how easy this device is to use, and that we don’t need wifi or any cords to watch. You can download a wide selection of movies from Netflix (we have already downloaded Trolls and Peter Rabbit for the kids!) I also love that there is a blue light filter so it doesn’t disrupt sleep. It is currently ON SALE, and f you use my promo code “parentdaze” you will receive a free OmNom discover (Smart cover + 18 extra episodes of OmNom cartoon series.) Shop one for yourself here!

Daily Life

The “Watch Me” phase…

Posted on September 7, 2018

Cooler weather this week meant we got some time to connect with nature. We really needed it! We all had kind of a difficult week again this week. Isabelle is teething and hasn’t been sleeping well, which means no one is sleeping well. K is in a new “Look at this! Watch me!” phase which has made it tough for me to get things done.

K is in a new “Look at this! Watch me!” phase.

On one hand, the mom guilt is real! If I don’t watch one time, will she need therapy for the rest of her life?! I can already picture it… “ONE TIME my mom couldn’t watch me stand on one foot, for the millionth time!” (Okay, so maybe not need therapy, but you know what I mean. I don’t want to ruin her self-esteem!) On the other hand, I have certain things I need to do. Eat, make my work deadlines, pick up enough that we aren’t living like hoarders… It’s hard to find a balance.

Eat, make my work deadlines, pick up enough that we aren’t living like hoarders…

I feel like the “Watch me” phase is almost a regression. K was doing well playing independently for part of the day so I could get things done, and now it’s back to only getting things done during quiet time (formerly nap time for K) and bed time, and I’m feeling spread really thin. As soon as the kids go to their beds, it’s like a mad dash to do everything. And what do you do and what do you give up?

What do you do and what do you give up?

Work deadlines are obviously a priority, picking up a little bit is necessary, now do I choose shower or eat or laundry? Because I can’t do them all! I know it’s just a phase that will pass, and I know I can say “Mommy’s busy” some of the time, but does anyone else have advice? How do you get through this phase without losing your mind or damaging your child?

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