A few moments of clarity and Belles is one month old

Don’t get me wrong, I hate to complain about how affectionate K is towards Belles.  I know a lot of parents have the opposite problem when introducing a new baby.  But not only is it exhausting, I worry that she’s missing out on things she could be doing that she would enjoy more.  I brought the girls on a walk today to get out and we stopped at a fountain so I could feed Belles.  I thought K would run around the fountain and burn some energy while I nursed, but she wanted to be on my lap as well.  It wasn’t until I was done feeding Belles that K ventured off on her own and walked around the fountain.  I’m not sure

why she has a hard time specifically when I feed Belles.  At home she also asks to use the potty when I feed Belles.  Which means I need to get up, wipe her, and give her some chocolate chips.  This is no easy task while nursing.  I feel like I’m giving her plenty of one on one time?  It’s hard not to feel guilty sometimes.  Like I have this beautiful new baby who I love so much but wonder if K will ever be the same.  I know someday they’ll be best friends and she won’t remember being an only child, but sometimes I’m worried I’ll create an emotional scar because she feels replaced.  I wonder if other moms feel this way too.

I know someday they’ll be best friends and she won’t remember being an only child, but sometimes I’m worried I’ll create an emotional scar because she feels replaced.

Sitting with both girls on my lap and listening to the sound of the fountain was incredibly relaxing though.  It gave me some time to clear my head and think.  I was feeling a little frazzled and stressed out this morning.  I even felt rushed the first half of our walk.  Sometimes I forget we have nowhere to be and the walk is about the journey and we really don’t have a destination. Oddly enough, taking a break with the girls and feeling their snuggles and listening to the water was one of the best moments of my day.  Maybe I should start meditating and listening to water sounds or something.

I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad the time has gone quickly.

Isabelle is one month today!  I know how cliché it is to say, but it really flew by.  I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad the time has gone quickly.  The beginning is so hard!  You want to enjoy how sweet and little your newborn is but you’re so damn tired!  You just want to fast forward to when you can sleep at least 5 hours at a time!  Then you look back and say “Why didn’t I enjoy it more?!”  Well, I’m right in the thick of it and now I remember why.  It’s exhausting!  That’s not to say I’m not enjoying myself.  I love the girls and I love spending time with them.  But I don’t hate that time is going pretty fast right now.  I won’t be sad when Belles is 3 or 4 months and sleeping a little better and no longer having that fussy evening period where she cries on and off from 8-11 every night.